Our Love Story
by MissRaichyl
Summary: Love Story is a group of one/two- shots featuring Jesse St. James and Rachel Berry coming back together. Its contents are inspired by the show, songs, or random, daily things.
1. Index

Hi! This is the creator, MissRaichyl. Love Story is a group of one/two- shots featuring Jesse St. James and Rachel Berry coming back together. Its contents are inspired by the show, songs, or random, daily things. All prompts are welcome! You can send them in through my Tumblr (aloveafffair) or through the comments section! I'm copying most of these over so some are not edited recently from when I first wrote them but I plan to get to them eventually!  
As I'm importing these from my AO3, here is the index with descriptions!

 **Coffee Shop** \- When Rachel won't take the steps to make herself happy, Blaine and Kurt decide to step in.

 **merry christmas, darling** \- When Finn ends it during the holiday season, Rachel wallows and turns to an old friend for guidance.

 **Another One** \- VA!Rachel decides something is up when a new guy tries to be more than just her friend.

 **Won't Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance** \- Rachel wants her last prom to be special and perfect but is she going with the right guy?

-In this AU, Jesse teaches at a dance studio and goes to college.

 **i still believe** \- With a new assignment for the glee club, Rachel wants her boyfriend's opinion on what to sing.

-Jesse is counselor for the glee club and in a relationship with Rachel; set after the prom and episode 2x21.

 **ready for a change** \- He had nowhere else to go to vent, so he went to a place he could. A place for singer that was the perfect Scapegoat.

 **As Long as You're There** \- As Sunshine claims her spotlight, Rachel makes a startling revelation about herself, and has to show the right guy her true feelings.

 **Voice Mail -** This phone number cannot be reached at this time. Please hang up and try calling again. -beep-

-Okay so this is a bit different then the stories I usually do, but I think it will work . It's set right after the Bad Reputations episode and their spring break is 5 days.

 **Name Game -** Mr. Shue gives them a name and they all reject it.

-I never actually came up with a name but it's not really the point of the story anyway so I didn't think it would be a big deal.

 **don't let it be over -** I can't live without her. I won't.

-I watched One Day –starring Anne Hathaway—and that inspired this, so it could be spoiling but I don't know. So, here! Man, I cried during that movie, it's like the notebook, total tearjerker. Tell me what you think. :D Song used is: VIXX – 도원경 (SHANGRI-LA)

 **Give Your Heart a Break -** Here's the thing about love at first sight: you never know when it's going to strike you. It feels like you've been sucker punched by cupid's arrow. It's random and it's disorienting and that is exactly what happened.

 **Buzz Buzz -** "Take me laser tagging and then push me into a corner and kiss me. Then shoot me and walk away."

-This one-shot has soft-core smut so BEWARE! First time writing smut... it's not really even smut... maybe lemon..? Was a prompt from halleydoedog on tumblr found through pinterest!

 **Craziness -** You know what's crazy? Your rival team offering you a spot if you switch to their side. Even crazier? When you ex-boyfriend is the one heading the campaign for your talent and your heart.

-I wrote this one a long time ago, back in 2011 and am now re-writing it/editing it, so it'll be different than the mess that's on fanfiction, haha :) also, the reason it's so long is because it was a 17 chapter story on FF. Forgive me! I'm also throwing away the timeline- I don't exactly remember when things happened anyway, but it's sometime after the egging, before he returns and after that, my AU! In the story that was on FF, I ended this by a dream but I thought I should change it, hahah, hope you all enjoyed it!

 **We Have to Let Each Other Go** \- I thought Jesse was just a blip in Finn's and my forever story, our own little fairy tale, but now, standing here, pulled by his music, this song- what if it was Finn who was the blip, what if it had always been Jesse?

-singing is in italics, so are personal thoughts, but I hope it's not confusing.

 **makeup might be flaking -** It's the day of the death of his favorite artist.

 **Hypnosis** \- With Nationals over, Rachel is stuck between two guys. What better way to find out why then through hypnosis?

 **AN:** Honestly, I actually feel bad sometimes when I write about Finn, and I think it has to do with Cory Monteith and how even though Finn and Rachel would've never worked- I do truly believe Jesse was her best choice and the only man who ever really knew what she wanted and was her match, red string and all, Finn and Rachel weren't half bad for a high school, first-love. I don't like dragging down another ship and Finn did let Rachel go for her dream, even though she was "supposed" to come back (and I highly doubt that would've fared well), I still feel bad. I don't know if that will affect the stories at all, but I just wanted to put it out there for some reason, maybe just to say it? I never shipped Finn and Rachel but he wasn't a villain- he was just a boy in love who lacked understanding.

I'm over the moon though that St. Berry ending up together and now hearing that Lea Michele would do a reboot in a heartbeat, I wonder if it would be possible to see their life in the five years we didn't get to see, it would definitely make fanvids easier if they had more scenes, hahah, anyway thanks for reading XXOO


	2. Coffee Shop

The buzz of students surrounds us, local coffee shop is always packed. There is condensation forming on my bottle of water and my best friend Kurt, in his signature blue, striped, button up shirt, sips his mocha not grasping the reality of my latest issue. "Kurt, I don't think you understand. I'm the ultimate failure of a girl." He sits his cup back of the table, giving me a look with a raised eye brow. "My recent ex avoids me, I turned a gay guy back gay, and my other ex couldn't get out of Lima fast enough." I explain with a whine as I put my head in my hands. I felt Kurt's hand on my arm. "Do you know what that does to a girls' ego?" I ask, muffled by the table and my arms.

"Rachel, we are in a coffee shop and it is only 11:00 a.m. Don't go dramatic on me yet." I look up and give him my best Berry Glare before returning to the solace of my arms. "Especially when Blaine hasn't seen a glimpse of 'Rachel Berry Dramatics' yet." He jokes and even though his words didn't seem nice, they are very comforting. I groan, straighten up in my chair, giving Kurt a small, sad smile and a nod.

"Maybe I should do what Mercedes is doing, you know, be a Diva for a while." I suggest as I thought about it and Kurt mumbled something. "What?" I look at him, daring to say what I thought he said. I push my hair behind my ears.

He scrunches up his mouth and I narrow my sights. "Nothing."

"What'd you say?" I asked again, feeling completely like a child but not really caring. I was starting to get annoyed that he wouldn't tell me. He mumbled a little louder but still no words could be made out. I reach over and take his coffee, holding it from his reach. I look towards the trash can, "Speak or the coffee gets it."

His eyes widen and hand reaches, "I said, you already are a diva." I give him his coffee, which he holds close. "Your reaction solidifies it." I smile at him as he sticks his tongue out.

As we calm back down, Kurt gives me a serious look,"Have you ever thought about talking to Jesse again? Or sorting stuff out with Finn?"

I give him best crazy the thought of talking to Jesse, it would take a while to sort out that mess and Finn. . . "Finn kissed Quinn. That's the end of it." My tone tells him to breach no more on the subject and h nods, understanding and taking another sip of his mocha, waiting for me to continue. I don't get why he cares so much. He hates Jesse and know, now, how I feel on the Finn thing. "As for Jesse," I sigh, taking his hint, and sitting back, "He is probably on a beach in L.A. hooking up with an amazing singer that has the looks to match." I tell him, bitterness creeping into my voice. "Plus, he betrayed me and he broke my heart." I add, as if that would stop me from hashing things out.

I remember the times before Jesse's betrayal. We were like the same person- everything added up when we were together and talking to him? It was so fluid. Even if we talked, not getting back together, to just have him as a confidant would be fine because I know that no matter the problem, he would understand- then I remember the make out sessions we had and maybe I wouldn't mind being more than friends with him . . . I would just have to forgive him first. I looked down at my water, remembering that it was there. I take a sip and Kurt, hesitantly, replies. "He might not be as far away as you think."

I choke on my swig and for a second, I swear that I misheard him, and then I stare at him. "What?"

"Turn around." Kurt says, twirling his finger. I started raising my eyebrows, a wary look forming in my demeanor. "If you turn around, you'll see what I mean, Rachel." He explains, calling my name a little loud. I regard him quizzically but turn around. By the window, back to me, sat a head of dark curls and computer with a coffee to the side. I took a deep breath and turned around back in my seat, quickly. I glared at Kurt. What is he up too? He hates Jesse St. James. "You'll thank us." Kurt says fast, reaching out for my hand. My heart start racing. _What is he talking about?_ I'm about to voice my question when I heard my name, loudly, called out and the whole place goes silent.

"Hey Rachel!" Blaine. I did not expect this when I woke up to the text of Kurt asking me for a morning coffee sit down. But thankfully, I knew how to wear my embarrassment on the inside. I didn't shrink down in my seat, I just turned and smiled, managing a small wave. The place started to buzz again as people disregard the big outburst but, out of the of my eye, I saw Jesse sitting up and watching me, a smile playing on his lips. I now had no objections that it wasn't him, I'd know him anywhere. I looked at Kurt, who was gauging my reaction. I shot him a glare before getting up, pecking him on the cheek, and picking up my purse. Blaine, at this point, had reached the table and I gave him a hug.

Not soon enough, I reached the door. I turned and waved to Kurt and his man before walking out of there. Oh god, they are nuts. When I finally got out the door, I breathed in fresh air. I can't believe them. What did they expect to happen? Why did they do that? How did they even know he was in town or would be there- oh they had so many thing to answer to. But why did I run? So he saw me? It's not like he got up and strode over to me all Gone With the Wind style. Deep down, I knew I should talk to him, but the longer I put i off, the longer I could act like he was the big bad. I knew I would have to talk to him now after that display of whatever it was but why my heart was singing, I couldn't explain. I fish for my keys and walk over to my Range Rover. I knew that if I looked down the line if cars, I would see another almost identical to mine but because of the gold star on the license plate, I wasn't confused.

I rounded the rover to the driver's side, reaching for the handle and I pushed the unlock button on the remote on my key chain. "Rachel, wait!" I pretend like I didn't hear it, opening my door but he is fast and his hand goes along the top, pressing it shut. I don't even try to open it again.

It is quiet, his audible breathing swirling the air between us. "Jesse." I say, quietly and shortly. I can see him in the reflection of the window. His arm is over my shoulder, he is so close that if I leaned back, he could put his arm around me and hold me.

"Rachel." His breath is warm, coffee tasting. I back away from my door and face him. He lets his hand fall. His blue eyes are shining and his chest has slowed to a normal breathing rate.

"You're back?" It's obvious and the only thing that comes to mind. He nods and shrugs, well that clears my question up so well.

He just stares at me. It's unnerving. I hug my arms to myself. "Yea, I'm helping out Vocal Adrenaline." Oh, so not for me. _Why would he come back for me? Why am I even thinking about this?_ I look at my car and then back at him, then at the ground. This is way beyond awkward. "Can we grab dinner sometime?" My eyes snap to his, confusion lacing through my reaction. "I would really like to catch up with you." His voice sounds earnest. Very truthful- I don't trust him though.

I look him up and down, "Why?" I ask.

"I miss you." It's so simple, just like that? I am actually speechless. What happened to the Jesse who played games and tricks? Could it be that simple? I'm stunned and I nod. I want to know where trickster Jesse went.

He smiles and tucks a stray lock of hair behind my cheek. Static starts up- of course it would. "I'll pick you up at 8 then." I nod again. I am going to behead Kurt and Blaine… or praise them. It will depend on tonight. He opens my door for me and I mutter a thank you. As he closes it and walks away, his black jeans hanging in just the right way, I feel a smile play on my lips, maybe I can forgive him.


	3. merry christmas, darling

_Greeting cards have all been sent,_

 _The Christmas rush is through._

 _But I still have one wish to make-_

 _A special one for you._

The hallway blurs and all I can see is his back moving further and further from me. The tears spill over and my breath hitches, grasping for what isn't there. "Finn—Finn! Please, stop walking aw-"

My voice was breaking now as tears came freely, running down my cheeks. "Finn, please for just momen—FINN!" I finally had to resort to yelling out to him and he pauses, stopping his big steps to allow me to catch up finally, in his race to get to practice.

He turns slowly to look at me, eyes that were showing only disgust and hurt and it hurt me to look into them, so I chose to not look, instead I bow my head, eyes down-casted.

"What Rachel? What could you possibly have to say?" He asks me, his voice is full of anger, with a want for this exchange of words to be over. I can't look up, can't bear to see the eyes that had looked at me so lovingly this morning, now look at me so full of hate. I just hold my hand out with my fingers tight over the object I was giving back. He had to know, had to realize, what I was parting with because keeping it and seeing it night in and night out would utterly destroy me, like Melchior when he discovered Wendla was dead.

His eyes, for the first time since I admitted what I had done, held a different emotion- he looks shocked, but he still reaches out his hand.

As we stood there, me giving him back his present, I couldn't stop the physical reaction. I wish I could so he didn't see how much this was tearing me up inside. My hand flew to my mouth as I tried to bite back the sobs. _Why did I have to hurt but he could just stand there and take and take from me?_

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't just let him see me completely break down. Not again. I throw the stupid necklace at his feet and turn away, walking as quick as I can from his sight. I turn down a hallway and stop, leaning against the wall, my hand pounding on my chest trying to stop the crying.

My only wish in these stupid holiday times was that Finn was still mine.

 _Merry Christmas darling_

 _We're apart that's true_

 _But I can dream and in my dreams_

 _I'm Christmas-ing with you_

I put my hair brush back in its spot on my dresser as I get dressed for bed in night shorts and a matching tank top. My hair is in a messy bun and as I lay down, slipping under my fluffy covers and laying on my soft pillows, I stare at a picture on my nightstand, a picture of Finn and me at the park that he had taken with his phone. He smiled then, loved me then. _I should throw it out._

I fell the tears slip down my face and I turn from the photo, looking towards my closet, shutting my eyes tight.

I open my eyes and there is a box of ornaments and I was grabbing them, settling them in their place on the tree, trying to take my mind off of Finn. I didn't want him in my thoughts- it just hurt too much. I kept hooking them on the branches. I was in my nightclothes and my hair was still up, my face was free of makeup. My dads' are gone, I realize. I wonder where they are but the doorbell rings. I set the ornament down and rush over to the door and open it. Finn is standing on the other side and he walks in, even though I offered him no invite. I close the door and looked over at him. Everything is happening so fast, I can't see it all. My mind can't take all of it in, but Finn is here, he came here.

He opens his mouth and starts talking to me, apologizing, "I'm sorry, I know I could have handled this better and not by running from it but the truth is I miss you and life was funner with you, even though you can be a controlist."

My heart starts signing with happiness at his words even though some of them aren't even real.

I feel my mouth tilt up in a smile as he grabs for me, smiling so big and bright, it's blinding. I can't see anything but the light and I turn away, I had to.

My eyes open and I'm staring at the picture. It was just a delusion. I sigh and slam the photo frame down, to where no one can see it anymore. I begin preparing for the new day, the last day before break started and the last day I would be able to see Finn without excuse.

 _Holidays are joyful_

 _There's always something new_

 _But every day's a holiday_

 _When I'm near to you_

 _The lights on my tree_

 _I wish you could see_

 _I wish it every day_

I sit in top row, away from everyone. By now they all know what has happened. No one looks at me or tries to talk to me, it's basically like I have no friends.

Finn has the time of his life today, being a free man again, as I heard him put it in third period. I watch as he flirts with Santana and Brittany, as he sings with Quinn all smiles and laughter, avoiding me and spiting me. _Didn't he get that I was already hurting? Does he like twisting the knife in my heart? Was he always so vengeful?_

I sit with my head down and my hands twirling in my lap, being useless, no participating at all. I keep thinking about all the plans we made over break and how I wish we were going to do what we had planned. I get it, it was truly my fault that we weren't going to do any of it. I did wrong and I had to pay the price.

Mr. Shue's voice cuts through my thoughts and my head snaps up, "Rachel, are you okay?" He stands in front of my chair, squatting down to be at eye level with me. It was then I realized I was crying silent tears.

I look around the room and it was empty, everyone had gone. I was alone.

I closed my eyes, removing the trace of the tears with the back of my hands. _God! Why was I crying so much over him, still?_ "Rachel? Are you-" I didn't care to hear the last of it. I stand up and walk briskly from the room, away from Mr. Shue's concerns and the suffocating atmosphere. Was the pain ever going to quit?

 _Logs on the fire_

 _Fill me with desire_

 _To see you and to say that I wish you Merry Christmas_

 _Happy New Year, too_

 _I've just one wish_

 _On this Christmas Eve_

 _I wish I were with you_

Winter break had begun and I spent the first week holed up in my room as my fathers tried to coax me out to decorate the tree. They had bought one for decorating, as I liked to put gold stars on everything, especially when I was younger, as you can't really decorate a menorah. It was at the end of the week that my phone had beeped with a message from an old friend, if you could call him that. He was reaching out to me, wanted to meet me and talk, as he felt terrible and the guilt was crushing him. I wasn't a taken woman anymore, I could do what I please and so I agreed to meet him. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to see him.

I got up the next morning and got dressed, ready to head over to his place. The drive over was peaceful as Frank Sinatra sang through my vehicle. Akron was almost a thirty minute drive, sometimes an hour if the traffic was thick. His house was in a really nice neighborhood, full of rich and well-to-do families. I remember it from my visits in the past. We had mostly hung out at his place because my fathers always crept around. I even stayed the night once- though nothing indecent had happened. We fell asleep in the movie room watching Wizard of Oz. His dad was always in the study and every time I saw him, he had a glass with a dark, amber liquid in it while his mom was always in business attire with her blonde hair twisted up.

I pull up to the gate, reaching out and pressing the button to alert the house that there is someone waiting to be let in. His voice floats out of the sound box, "It's open, Berry." I smile to myself at the teasing lilt in his voice and drive up the paved path as soon as the gate opens up.

I see him as I get closer to the towering house. He waves and I see his usual clothing hasn't changed. He wears a black t-shirt and black jeans, sans jacket even though it was freezing outside.

As I put my car in park, he opens the door and offers me his hand. I unbuckle the seat belt and go to place my hand in his when I pulled back and eye his hand suspiciously, "you don't have an egg in your other, do you?" I ask, keeping my body tucked inside my car. Jesse looks at me with a smile on his face as he laughs, shaking his head. Satisfied, I let my hand fall into his and he shuts my car door behind me.

As we walk, I notice that he keeps my hand in his, holding on tight, which both excites me and confuses me, as I thought he was just wanting to catch up with me. He opens the front door and as soon as it's shut, he drops my hand. Maybe he was scared I'd run. I kick my shoes off and look at him, wondering where we would be hanging out today, "up in my room." He answers my silent question, "I'll be up in a few, just let me get some drinks."

I nod and watching him pass into the dining room, through a set of double doors, into the kitchen. _What exactly was I doing here? This was no way to win back Finn._ As I stand there, I realized that this was the first time I had thought about Finn all day and that excited me. When his name came up, I still felt the dull thud in my chest but it was nothing more. Were my feelings this flimsy that it didn't take more than a few weeks to let him go? I shake my head to rid myself of these thoughts and took the stairs one at a time, feeling so familiar here.

There were pictures leading to the second story, many of them were of the siblings, Jesse and his older sister, who was six years older and a med student, and his older brother, who was eight years older and a law student. I knew that Jesse was the favorite because he was the baby and his mom adored him and wouldn't let his dad ride him like he did his siblings which was why Jesse chose to pursue the arts instead of law or medicine. His family had wonderful taste in décor, is what I have always thought when seeing his house.

I get to the second floor and walk to the third door down, letting the door swing open. Jesse's room was not like the rest of the house. He had one wall painted dark blue and the rest were covered in posters from rock bands to Broadway musicals. He had a state of the art stereo system and a flat screen, though I know it was barely ever used as he was out with his friends more than in with the family.

I stand in the door way, not really knowing where to sit. I could sit on the bed, but he might get the wrong idea- though I'm not quite sure which would be the right idea.

"Hi." I turn to face him and scream. He came out of nowhere and I scare so easily sometimes. I was so lost in thought and now I have ice tea poured down my shirt and skirt. His face looks like he wants to laugh and apologize profusely at the same time and I can't decide between laughing or running and hiding. "Stay there, give me a second." He says with a familiar smirk on his face as he passes me and sets down the cups of barely ice tea, going for his closet.

He comes back to me with a towel and a pair of sweats and a Rolling Stones t-shirt. "Go change, I'll refill the cups." His smile is now tentative and I honestly don't think I have ever seen him like this, bashful almost. It wasn't the first time I've worn his clothes but in this murky situation, I could understand how he is feeling. I go into the bathroom down the hall, across from his brother's long-time vacant room and change. It's strange how the moment I put on his clothes, I automatically relaxed. I felt like I should go in his room, lounge on his bed with my chemistry book in front of me, having him help me solve mole equations. I step out of the bathroom, putting my clothes in the closet hamper for the maid to do when she could. I turned, and find Jesse smiling at me. I nod, "hey."

He motions to the bedroom and I shrug, going in and sitting on the bed. It wasn't my first time on it and when all the memories come to the forefront of my mind, I blush. He pulls his desk chair over, rather than climbing on with me. I note this with even more confusion than the hand holding but I do guess that joining me on the bed might insinuate some things.

I look toward him and he starts straight in on his explanation about everything. He tells me the truth and lets me have it all, like that my birth mother, his old coach, had put him up to the scheme and he had taken it, knowing I was a talented singer and he really wanted to see what the big deal was and then he met me. It was the classic cliche, he said, the guy undercover falls for the girl he has to dupe. He didn't want to end it though and Shelby had to go to his dad to pull him out of McKinley and then they reasoned with him, especially his teammates who he had grown up with.

"They showed me pictures of you and Finn after I left. You guys were always standing close or he'd have his hand on your arm and I was angry. I was surprised by my own anger- why was I mad? I didn't think I would fall for you- that was the reason I did it." He runs his hand through his hair like he always did when he frustrated. "Love always makes a man crazy- especially when they don't realize that it's love."

I patted the spot beside me and scooted until I was lying against the wall with a pillow, sitting up straight. Jesse comes and sits beside me, leaving some distance between us. I felt like a little girl as my dad told me a bed time story, I thought to myself as he continued on, not looking at me but at the ceiling fan spinning round and round.

"I had never fallen for anyone in all my eighteen years and so Shelby came to me and I thought, cool, an acting exercise but you are incredible. You get me and match me, and you are powerful and smart, kind and beautiful- you were a nice, clean drink of water. Then, after I left to go back to Vocal Adrenaline, I saw the pictures of you and Finn. I was angry. I thought you loved me- you always said you did and I knew then that when I replied to you with the same words, I had always meant them. I loved you, Rachel Berry." He slumps down and shifts until he is laying out on the bed, and arm thrown up and covering his eyes. "I feel so cheesy and cliché, admitting it so cleanly, you know? I want to be all cool and suave and wow you." and that was the last thing I ever expected to hear out of high and mighty St. James mouth. I guess that is why they call it growing up.

That's all that happened on that day. We laid in his bed and talked about everything, what went down with me and Finn, him and L.A., we didn't stop talking until my dads called me home for dinner and he walked me out, saying that he would call again, and he did. The rest of those two weeks were spent with family and I got a gold star with my name on it and a new pink microphone. I had gone to visit my grandparents and was utterly spoiled by them. Two weeks of adoration was just what my ego needed.

Sure, I still felt the pain but it had dulled significantly and the crying was gone altogether.

When I came back from my grandparents, I asked Jesse for a favor. I asked him to go with me to my Aunt Rebecca's holiday party and my dads were so happy to see him. He looks at me with delight at being welcomed back so earnestly and I laugh with him.

The family party was in full swing, drinks being passed back and forth, Dad even gave me a glass of wine and Jesse had a beer, though we couldn't drive until the next morning, which was fine. Uncle Rex mussed up Jesse's curls but he didn't even get mad. I look over at him from across the room and he nods to the doorway, signaling me to follow. I make my polite excuses and follow him out onto the back deck, the New Year's fireworks were going off in the distance and you could hear music coming from almost every house. Jesse doesn't hesitate to throw his jacket over my shoulders, even though he is in a lousy t-shirt and some jeans. I pull it close and his scent hits me, like a book store and a coffee shop rolled into one.

I look at him, admiring him. He stands with his hands deep in his pockets, body coiled to conserve his own heat in this unforgiving winter. It makes me laugh. "What?" He asks, looking down at me.

"If you're so cold, shouldn't you wear your jacket?" I say, offering it back to him. He just waves me off, preferring to stand there freezing. I step closer to him, hoping to radiate some heat so he's not a popsicle.

He looks away from the fireworks again to see me, suddenly closer, right by his side. "You'll always stay there, right, Berry?" I look at him confused, "by my side?" I feel my lips tug upwards and I nod, inching closer to him. He places his arm around my shoulders. I feel his lips on the crown of my head and I close my eyes, memorizing the feel of his body against mine. I wish this moment would never end.

We hear a clicking noise and both of us startle, turning around to see Uncle Rex and my dad, Leroy, standing at the back door with a camera. They scatter and we head back inside, though I don't give Jesse back his jacket.

 _I've just one wish_

 _On this Christmas Eve_

 _I wish I were with you_

When I entered the school after break, nothing was new. Classes went on as they had in the past, the lockers still squeaked on their hinges, Coach Sylvester still grumbled when she passed one of us Glee members in the hall. What had changed was the picture in my locker, now to the one my dad had taken on New Year's of me and Jesse, standing together under the fireworks and my attitude, I was no longer moping around like a lost, little duck. Glee Club happened like normal, Finn didn't ignore me, but he made no move to approach me. Quinn and her followers were sitting back where they normally did, and I reclaimed my seat in the front row but part of me couldn't wait to get out of there. Jesse had texted me earlier, telling me that he would pick me up.

As soon as the club meeting was over, I was out of my seat and at my locker, putting my books away and a box falls out. I squint at the tiny box covered in footballs, trying to recall it. _Oh, right. Finn's present._ I pick it up and twirl it around in my hands, wondering what I should do with it when he walks right up to me with a smile painted on his face, "hey, Rach, I thought we could talk."

"Sorry," I smiled politely, though taken by surprise by his words, I hold out the box to him, "I got this for you before we broke up and I want you to have it." He takes it and I nod, "Well, I'll see you in Glee tomorrow." I say as a goodbye and make my exit.

"Wait," he shouts, stuffing the box in his bag. _What does he want?_ He stands in front of me, looking sheepish. "I really missed you, Rachel." _Oh._ I take in breath- that was not what I was expecting. His callused hands take mine and he tugs me toward him. "I thought, that maybe we could sit together at lunch tomorrow on the bleachers? Talk about things?"

I pull my hands free and adjust my bag on my shoulder, anything to keep them busy and out of his reach, a sure-fire way to put some space between us. "I don't think that is such a great idea." I mutter and now he looks confused. I was not expecting this at all.

"Why not?"

I shrug, "I don't feel comfortable." I admit. _Why was I telling him this? I didn't owe him any explanations_.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" He looks positively shocked. "Who would date you?" Now, I am shocked and very offended.

"Pardon?" I ask between clamped teeth and he blanches and backtracks, muttering many things. I shift my bag again and turn away, "whatever, I have to go." He catches my elbow, halting me again. "Finn!" I say, exasperated, throwing his hand off of me, "stop touching me!" He stares at me, in disbelief, searching for something to say but he turns to steel in front of me, his eyes become hurt and harsh.

"What is wrong with you?" we both hear behind me and sigh in comfort- he came for me. I feel an arm pull me back and then Jesse is in front of me. "Did he hurt you?" He asks, looking at me over his shoulder and I shake my head. I stare at Finn around Jesse. He's looking at us as though we have just done a summoning spell in front of him and conjured up Satan himself.

Jesse grabs my hand and sends a warning glare to Finn and leads me out of the building.

 _I wish I were with you_


	4. Another One

I went to my locker after last hour; show choir practice was cancelled because Coach Goldsby had to go pick up Mrs. Holliday from the airport. I got to my locker and when I opened it, a note fell out. I knotted my eyebrows together as I bent down to pick it up, my binders and notebooks that were supposed to be going in, feel to the ground. "Damn it!" I growled, my hair falling into my face as I made to grab all my books in arms reach. Another hand picked up my chemistry book, handing it to me as I brushed my hair from my eyes.

"Here, it looks like we have chemistry together." I looked up at the male voice. _Talk about corny jokes._ I stood and turned putting my books into my lockers and grabbing the book from his so it could rest with the others. I felt a little bad for wanting to tell him to step off, He was cute, with his sandy blonde hair and wide, green eyes but my boyfriend was better looking.

"I don't remember seeing you in there." I say, apprehension growing, but he looked strangely familiar. Maybe he was a quiet student. I shrugged it off and decided that he, possibly being new, didn't know the way of things. He bent down and picked up the piece of paper that has caused me to drop all my stuff in the first place.

He shifted his binder in his arms and opened it before I could snatch it. "Auditorium, 3:00." He spoke aloud. My hand shot out and yanked the paper from him.

"That's private."

"Well, it looks like you have a secret admire. Is he any completion for me?" he said raising his eyebrows.

I was starting to get annoyed. "It's not a secret admirer and it's none of your business." How daft was he? I looked around the halls to see some of the students looking over at me. If I didn't do something, surely, by tomorrow at lunch time a rumor was going to be circulating that the it couple was over. Oh god. I had to stop this. Then I knew just the way to get rid of his silly little crush. "You know who I am right?" I asked, putting my acting skills to the test and using my sweetest voice possible, planting the idea.

"Um, sure." he said smiling, "A very pretty girl who I have chemistry with." He laughs and I shake my head. He reminds me of a jock at my old school, of Puck.

"I'm Rachel Berry, the lead of Vocal Adrenaline?" I question and now recognition pops in his eyes. Who is this guy? "You know, the Glee Club?" How could he not know? We basically fund this school with all of our wins.

A nasty thought starts to grow in my head and I really don't want to think the worst of him. Vocal Adrenaline wanted to squash my nice side when I came to Carmel and joined. I mean I wasn't really nice to begin with but when we were in practice, there was no niceness. We were there to win and if you messed up it was your fault. We trained late and were up early to do our homework. Though, I had Jesse to help me.

"Yeah, I know, you're Rachel." he said nodding as though he had known all along.

"I see." My tone is clipped and I walk away, looking at the time. 2:55. "I have to go." I say by way of good bye.

"Do you have plans tomorrow night?" He asked me, trailing after me. I felt a little bit of guilt bubble up, then I remembered that he wasn't from here. He was an interloper.

"Yeah, I have plans. I'm practicing." I said and he looked intrigued. "Vocal Adrenaline?" I prompted and he nodded. I turned on him. "Who are you?" His eyes look panicked but then calm. He moves my hair and I step back. He blushes. "I don't have time for you right now."

His feet keep trailing me, "So, that's where you're going now? To practice?" he asked, pointing toward the auditorium. He didn't even know what Vocal Adrenaline was and now he wants our schedule? _Oh.._ Realization dawns on me. _Smooth._ I ignore him, best to not talk to him anymore. I continue to the doors. They squeaked as I opened them.

I walked down the aisle and sat my stuff at Goldsby's station. I looked over my shoulder and the guy was gone then the lights on the stage turned on and VA walked out. The girls were in red dresses and guys in black t-shirts and pants. A gasp left my lips as Jesse entered. Slowly I sank into the seat and crossed my arms as I leaned on them, smiling.

"Rachel," Jesse calls from the stage, his voice echoing, "Keeping with our love for dramatics, this is for you!" Jesse smiles and I feel my blood rush with the love I hold for him. Giselle came up and gave him the head mic which he placed on and then the music started up and I laughed as I recognized the beat and the interloper had disappeared from my thoughts as Jesse's voice floated into my ears.

 **You're the light.**  
 **You're the night.**  
 **You're the color of my blood.**

I giggle at the song he had chosen, it was so out of the norm for him, but so was the praise, at least in the VA circle. Our club dance around my main man like they owned the stage. He danced with them, but mostly kept to the lyrics. All of them backed him up and the band kept amazing pace. The lights were shining down and it was all fantastic. He owned the stage, just belting out the lyrics and showing nothing but confident. It struck me in moments like this that he was with me and we were going to take Broadway by storm, together.

As the song came to a close, nothing could stop me from bounding up to the stage and tackling him. He caught me swiftly and held me close. His arms were a welcome embrace and his laugh was a joyful tune, more melodic then him singing-though I would never tell him that. My legs were wound around his waist and his arms tighten as I clinged to him like a monkey, never wanting to let go.

The entirety of our group surrounding us and cheering on the ridiculous public display of affection as Jesse moved his chuckling lips to my stupid grin. He tasted like his energy drink and sweat, but somehow I didn't mind with him. His lips were soft and part slightly under mine. The tension grew between us and then Alex, one of the terrific dancers, started calling to us, begging us not to put them through the torture.

Jesse released me with a secret grin and I knew the tension would be back with a fever tonight at his place. Slowly my feet meet the ground and his arm was over my shoulder, pulling me close. Alex came up to me again, this time able to actually talk to me and Gizelle is trailing right behind her, still making eyes at Jesse.

"So, Rachel, how'd you like your present?" I looked up at Jesse as he just rubbed a hand over his mouth, hiding his grin of amusement. We walked through the back of the stage heading for the exit, when I remembered my bag was still in the auditorium.

"Wait for me." I call out, snaking out from Jesse's arm and rushing back into the now darken room. It was easy to navigate and soon I was in the director's pit, shrugging my coat onto my shoulders and hefting up my bag. The doors squeaked and I looked up, wondering what that was. "Hello?" I call out and nothing returns. I remember in all those scary movies that Finn used to make me watch that acting like it was nothing usually lead to the death of the idiot girl. "Who's there?" I called again and then I saw it.

The guy from the lockers was in here, hiding behind a row of seats. "Hey…" He pops up, quickly stuffing his phone in his pants. I eye him warily, throwing my auburn curls over my shoulder, watching as he comes to stand in front of me.

"Who are you?" I ask more forcefully. He looks over my shoulder and then behind his. "Tell me now before Vocal Adrenaline comes looking for me." His eyes go wide at my saying this, "I'm nicer than they are so you are better off telling me and then going."

He adjusts his backpack and looks behind his shoulder then back into my waiting eyes. "Santana sent me- she wanted to know how much of an edge you gave to them." There was a call from the wings of the stage and we both looked.

"You better talk faster." He swallows and then Jesse appears on the stage, eyes meeting mine and then assessing the situation. He slowly takes on the St. James persona and jumps down from the stage, making his way toward us. "Too late." I look at the spy with a sad expression as I feel the familiar weight of his arm across my shoulders. I snuggle into his side and he gladly welcomes it.

"Who's your friend?" His voice holding a veil of niceness that wasn't really there.

"A friend of Santana's, apparently." I replied, taking on the Berry persona, the lead of Vocal Adrenaline. "Spying on us, wondering how great we are." Jesse laughs, though there is no humor.

"We're good and that is all you need to know- now get out of our school." His voice hard and the guy looks at me like I can help. I quietly wonder if he is going to cause problems for me. If it's going to give Gizelle ammunition to press doubts in Jesse's head about my alliance so close to National's. I turn to Jesse and he looks at me, his eyes hard.

"I don't know him, I didn't even know he was here." I explain fast and Jesse's ice blue iris's turn to water and he pushes a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

He leans down and pecks me softly, "I know that, Rach." He mumbles before turning to the interloper. "Get out and tell New Directions that if they ty this again, we won't hesitate to retaliate." The interloper nods and blanches as white as a sheet before turning and leaving us alone in the auditorium. Jesse finally looks back at me, with a wondering stare. "Why would you think that I would think you were in cahoots with him?" He stands away from me letting his arm fall.

"Because . . . it's only been about three months since the transfer and seeing me with the spy. . ." I trail off as his hands wrap around my waist, pulling me close.

"Rach, I know you. I'm not Gizelle looking for every chance to derail you." He reasons, burying his head in my hair. "I know where your heart lies."


	5. Won't Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance

**One!**  
 **I'm biting my tongue**  
 **Two!**  
 **He's kissing on you**  
 **Three!**  
 **Oh, why can't you see?**  
 **One! Two! Three! Four!**

We are in my dance studio as I clean up the space, waiting for my next class of adolescent pre- teens to arrive. She is chasing me around, not letting the situation drop no matter how many times I would rather be lead in the most failed Broadway production then to do what she is asking of me. "Come on, Jesse! I know it's . . . a difficult task," _ha._ I scoff in my head as she goes on, "But we both know you are the only one who can do it!" She was pleading now.

I looked at her, with her high, white knee socks and black Mary Janes, reaching up to her plaid skirt and bright, red shirt, framing her body and hugging her curves- oh, I knew I would cave to her in the end, but I didn't need to let her know this. Her hair fell in waves around her face, her brig, brown eyes looking to me, waning me to help her make her dreams come true. "Rachel, I would love to help your boyfriend," I try to respond as sincerely as I could, "but I have classes to instruct." She opens her mouth to press forward and I cut her off, "Not to mention my college classes." I add in, know that I was just throwing in obstacles, for my college class were in study mode as we prepared for the midterm exams. "I just can't, to busy."

I left the subject as she stood on one side of a tower of boxes, her hands planted in the only space not yet filled and I quickly remedied that, shutting her out and blocking myself form her view, but as always, once I turned around, there she was. "Jesse, I know you. This would be a challenge of a lifetime." Oh, boy did she know my love for challenges, unfortunately for her, I just didn't want to make Finn even more desirable in the eyes of the woman that I loved. She continues on, "If I could teach Finn to dance I would, but I'm not a guy, meaning I can't teach him to dance like a guy would. You can!" She was practically jumping up and down, still going on and on about how I can make Finn dance like a man. That boy will never be a man.

I didn't get his hold over her; was it blackmail or did she actually believe he would let her have her dream in New York? Please, he would hold her back, always has, always will. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, "Listen, Rachel, the only time I am free is at 6:30 in the morning, after my early morning run and it's only be 30 minutes because I have to go to class at 7:30." I relent as I looked at ourselves in the mirror, such opposites. I in black sweats and a subtle white V neck tee and her all bright and smiles. She squealed automatically as the words left my lips and jumped me in a hug, laughing like I just gave her a reason to live. I watch her in the mirror as I scowl _._

 **Word's on the streets and it's on the news:**  
 **I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you**  
 **He's got two left feet and he bites my moves**  
 **I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance!**

The giant oaf standing in my dance space, is actually here. I really don't know how Rachel did it, but they pulled up at 6:20 and she literally dragged him in with her. Imagine a little fairy dragging in Jack's giant from that kid's book. After she left, we got to work and I figured that the best approach was a vigorous one. "Finn, are you seriously serious? That's not even remotely close to box step. What you're doing," I craned my head to the side, watching as he tried again and taking my best guess "that is a . . . oval step?" I assumed as he sighed loudly and sat down on the benches.

I went to my work desk where my dock set along with a stereo and started the song over, took a quick swig of my water and swallowed it quickly. "Okay, now," I started, going over to the stand in front of the mirrors. "Finn, up!" I commanded and he dragged himself up and stood behind me. "Come forward, go to your left . . ." I watched to make sure he did exactly what I did, "Your left, Finn. Go towards the stereo." _I give up._ "Let's try something else." I mused, taking another drink _; it has only been 10 minutes_. I brush my hand though my tangled curls, getting frustrated. Ellie's 6 year olds danced with more grace then him.

"I don't get why Rachel went behind my back and did this. I can dance!" He fussed, sitting down again. I agreed with him on the first part. Massaging his foot, yawning, he mutters "I'm not even up. I bet that's why I'm bad this morning." He mumbled.

"Trust me the problem isn't that you're asleep." I replied, scrolling through my music, "Or that it's morning." I scoffed, pick on a song at random and hear the sweet chaotic symphony flow through my speakers.

Finn is now of his feet, hands turned to fist and is glowering at me. Oh, what has Rachel done to us to put in this stupid situation? "Are you just going to insult me?" I shrug, considering it. "Why'd you even agree to this? So whipped on a girl who won't even choose you? Are you that pathetic?" He goaded with a stupid fierceness in his voice.

I cocked my head to the side. Should I get riled up and let him have a replay of last year's prom or do I stay even headed and just bite my tongue? Or is there a middle ground? I look at him with a freaking smirk on his face and decided to go for the middle ground. "Whipped? Hardly. More like doing a favor for a girl who thinks she is with the right guy but will soon figure out that he can't fulfill the simplest of her desires." His eyes brighten in anger, but I still go on. "Pathetic? No, I'm not. I'm waiting for a girl to realize that she is bigger than everything in this town. Trust me, Hudson, when I say that I am doing this for Rachel- to give her the perfect prom and maybe open her eyes along the way." He stalks up to me and has to bend slightly to stare in my eyes.

"She didn't choose you the first time- what makes now any different?" His breath is rank as a tuna fish sandwich.

I walk away from him, hoping that passes him off more than me staying and sparing. "Box step, Finn. I want you to get this step even if your feet have to bleed." I start the music and he, stubborn also, tries to get it. Is his brain so far from his feet that he can't send correct signals?

I put him through routines that were vigorous and there were no more breaks. I was taking my anger out on him but it was all directed at him. By the end of rehearsal, he was sweating so hard, I was going to need a mop but his feet, sadly, weren't bleeding. He couldn't really breathe much, either, so I guess he pretty much sat his way through football practice. Though he did learn the box step.

 **You are the girl that I've been dreaming of**  
 **Ever since I was a little girl**  
 **You are the girl that I've been dreaming of**  
 **Ever since, ever since**

After I got home from my last class, she was there, outside the studio where in the floor above my apartment rested. Her face was a lovely color of red and I knew what this was about. She didn't offer me and greeting and I didn't offer her one.

She followed me around to the back of the dance building and waited as I unlocked the door, letting her go in first. She went in without a word and of course she said hi to Ellie as she passed, acting natural. "Hey Ell." I say as she passes. She smiles and heads down the second staircase, getting ready for her class to start. I walk past Rachel and find door 4b, unlocking it and, once again, waving Rachel in.

It doesn't take long for her to start in on me, berating me for my harsh treatment of Fine, who said I worked him like a Chinese guy in a sweat shop. "Rachel, you know I work everyone to their point- I was in Vocal Adrenaline." I reasoned with her showcase side, hoping to get more than her glare, which was all I had received since I let her in. "If he can't handle it, that is his problem- not mine." I finished as she paced around my sitting area. I watched her go round and round, time and time again, trying to decide how to handle this. I stood up and rested my hands on her arms as she looked up at me with a worried gaze. There was a battle going on in her mind. "We both know that dancing is a tough sport and it requires qualities that Finn has never had." She giggled and then looked like she was scolding herself for laughing. "I could go on, but you know what it takes." I stated, pointing out the cold, hard facts. Rachel looked at me, biting her lip as I searched her eyes and they gave way, knowing that I am right. She melted into the embrace and I wrapped my arms around her.

"I know he doesn't. It's just. ." She stalls as she doesn't want to insult him. "I wanted prom to be everything I dreamed of this year, you know?" I hold her tighter in response. "This is my last year and it has to be perfect." She said more to herself then to me.

"We could always go together." She looks up at me with a quirked eyebrow and I loosen my arms around her. "Like last year, except no fights." I propose and in all serious as she explodes in giggles. I raise my eyebrows at her and through her laughter, she speaks.

"What?" She starts becoming serious as I drop my arms and step back from her, running a single hand through my mess of curls. "You aren't kidding, are you?" She questions as she places a hand on my shoulder, trying to catch my eyes to get a better look at me.

I look at her and step closer, finding my confidence once again, "I never kid with you Rach." I say as I push a lock of hair behind her ear. "You know I love you." It is a barely above a whisper and the tension is thick between us and I want nothing more than to lean down and kiss her swiftly, but I respect her too much for that.

She just stares at me and I get ready for the long conversation ahead of us.

 **The second I do, I know we're gonna be through**  
 **I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you**  
 **He don't suspect a thing, I wish he'd get a clue**  
 **I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance!**

He slams his locker closed in aggregation. "What are you talking about?" Finn calls as I walk away. Of course he doesn't seem to get it. I turn on my heel in my kitten heels and he barely stops in time, almost colliding with me. Was I making the right choice? Everything Jesse said made sense but was it the right course for me? I looked at Finn and seriously thought about it.

"I don't know if you can make me happy anymore." I repeat, watching his eyes.

"What did he say to you, Rachel?" Finn reaches for me and I step backward. His face falls and I feel tears in my eyes.

I look down at the floor and out the window, anywhere but him. "You keep pushing me to go to Lima University with you and I don't want to. I applied to NYADA and I got accepted." I tell him and he looks crestfallen. "I'm going to prom with Jesse, Finn." I say quietly. "I'm sorry." I turn around again and walk away.

"You're sorry?" He yells and I stop again, "No, you know what? You are a guy jumper." I flinch at his words and feel a heat in me. Not a good kind either. "When I didn't want you, you tried to go after Puck and when that didn't work, you flipped your sights back to me and had me for all of two seconds and then comes in Jesse St. Dick who only wanted you so he could tear you down." I didn't want to hear this- he didn't mean this. He was just angry. I start to walk again but I hear him following me, "Then you are mine again and we're happy until you hear something you don't like and go after Puck again. And who shows back up? Jesse! And you stupidly let him back in! But then, no, it's actually me you want and we are happy again until who rides back into town with nothing but nice words to say and no backbone? Mr. St. Jerk Face!" I push back the tears, tilting my head skyward, trying to get them to flow backward.

He is behind me and I turn to him, looking him in the eyes, "Tell me, Berry. Are you that stupid to throw what we have away? Our love?" He asks and the second he calls me Berry, I get pissed. That is Jesse's name for me.

"All you have pointed out is that I am indecisive and that I' still a teenager!" I point back in a heated rush. Then I make my exit, leaving him alone in the hallway.

 **Word's on the streets and it's on the news:**  
 **I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you**  
 **He's got two left feet and he bites my moves**  
 **I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance!**

The music plays up and Jesse and I are in the thick of it. "Okay, okay!" I call out as Jesse kisses my neck, just like last year as we danced to the fast beat. I was giggling uncontrollably because he was kissing right on a tickle spot right below my earlobe and it was causing a tickling sensation under my skin and he knew it. I pushed as his shoulder weakly and he backed off, a sly smile across his face as he pulled me closer to him, taking my lips and gentle caressing them with his own. I smiled in the kiss as he held my waist in his hands as we went back to dancing, separating and touching foreheads.

In ten minutes, I would be going on stage to sing for the crowd and give them a show. Jesse twirled me around the dance floor as Quinn sang Lights by Ellie Goulding. The place was sparkling and lights were bouncing off in every direction as her song goes faster and faster by the minute. Jesse had successfully kept me a safe distance from Finn and after last year, I thought it was a pretty good idea. As Quinn slowed down to the end, I knew I had roughly five minutes, I brought his mouth to my own, keeping him close.

I savored him, because I was leaving in a few short months for college in the Big Apple and I didn't know if he would follow. I bit his lip and he jump away from me. "Oh, that's how you want to play?" He quipped at me teasingly as he pulled me into his arms and tickled my sides, before dipping me low, "Showtime." He whispered, giving me a second kiss, as my minutes were up.

 **Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance!**


	6. i still believe

"Jesse, what should I sing for tomorrow?" I ponder as I lay flat on my bed, watching Jesse move with lithe grace as he sets up the dvd. I see his shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. "Mr. Schue was childhood- something about going back before we can go forward." He laughs.

"I know, Rach. I was there." I stick my tongue out as his back, like he could see. I wanted to get up and help him but after dinner at Breadsticks, my stomach couldn't take the movement. "How about Disney?" He asks as the intros finally start to play and he ambles up on the bed, snaking his arm around my waist and laying down alongside me.

I lift my face up enough to see his chin, "like classic Disney or new age Disney?" I could go on with all the Disney ages but he shrugs once more.

"I don't know- my thing is more depressing and heart gutting music. Give me a Sodenheim any day over a bubbly Disney medley. I think _Schuester_ is just procrastinating picking a set list so he is making you guys do worthless projects." The opening credits starts and I look back to the TV. Jesse, always so blunt.

"You aren't being helpful." I complain as the character roam the set on the screen. Suddenly, I'm rolled from being pitched on my side to being flat on my back, my hands bound by his above my head and his legs straddling my waist. A flood of giggle spill out of me at the sudden change and he slowly lets my hands go free and they tangle in his hair. His hand brace himself so I don't take his full weight and die.

His lips are warm against mine and soft, always so soft. His tongue runs across my bottom lip and I allow him access- like I would deny him that. I pull him further down on me, his hands on my thigh and his other is on my chest, kneading me with pleasure that is so fine I could bask in it. The hand that is on my thigh pushes my skirt up, bunching it at the waist and I lift my hips, wanting to make contact with him, to gain some type of friction.

He took his mouth from mine, taking deep breaths and giving us both the chance to give our lungs a rest. His hand stopped climbing and was paused on the top of my thigh, so close. I let my hands relax on his curls and thread nicely through them. His nose ran along mine, heat spreading through my whole body at the sweet touch. "I so glad you gave me another chance." His deep voice ran over me and I lifted my lips to his, kissing him sweetly as my hand ran down his face and over his cheek.

"I still believe in you." I whisper and he shivers. Just like that, I know I am affecting him, also. "I still believe in us." His lips find mine and it's not until later, when his clothes are piled under mine on the floor, his soft breathing in my ear as we cuddle in the afterglow of what we just did, that the song comes to me.

Jesse and I, holding hands, walk into Glee, while we talked about my song. "Are you ready?" he asked as we sat down in the red, uncomfortable chairs. His arm slug around the back of mine as I held his other hand in my lap.

I grinned at the student- teacher of mine, "Absolutely." My confidence not wavering. "What you should be asking is if the song is ready for Rachel Berry." I continue, laughing, as a grin splay across his face and the other Glee members start to trickle in.

"Oh, Babe, we all know it's not." he jokes and I smack him on the arm, playfully. He brought our hands up and kissed the back of mine.

I smile warmly at him and lay my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes and thinking back to this morning when we got ready together and my fathers didn't bat an eye at us. . . that part was awkward but the rest was heavenly. Finn walked in, holding Quinn under his arm as they were deep in discussion, when he saw Jesse, his face went sour but Quinn didn't notice and just kept talking. Kurt and Mercedes, looking up to give us a welcoming smile from their conversation as Blaine trailed in behind them, took the seats surrounding us. Mr. Schue walked in and placed his bag on the old, black piano.

His eyes roamed the room as we waited for everyone else, his eyes landing us, "Jesse, you are welcome to office." I know he was trying to dispel the tension that Jesse brought with him with Finn and Puck, but Jesse waved him off, tightening his arm around me and I grinned, placing a small, chaste kiss on his neck at the neckline of his basic black shirt.

As everyone finally took a seat, Mr. _Schuester_ got on with the weekly assignment. "Who has songs, ready?" Only I raised my hand, which was typical as everyone waited a day or three. He motioned for me to start and I smiled at Jesse as he squeezed my hand. I got up and ran over to the band, whispering the song to them and handing them the sheet music I had printed of early this morning before classes started up. They nod and take the pieces of paper, I went to the microphone. I looked at Jesse and smiled, bowing my head and taking a breath, starting slow.

 _Some how I know I will find a way_  
 _To a brighter day in the sun_  
 _Somewhere I know that he waits for me_  
 _Someday soon he'll see I'm the one_

My eyes lit up as the sweet melody of the band swirled around me, playing out the song from a squeal to a Cinderella movie- something I very much connected with. The happiness swelled in my stomach, I want to burst. I held back, of course, as it was time for the crescendo to crash. My eyes found the icy blue and I grinned.

 _I won't give up on this feeling_  
 _And nothing could keep me away_

I wanted to run to him but I stayed by the mic, swaying to the beat drumming low in my shoes and high in my mind. My eyes close as I enter into the chorus, using all the breath I had for a low part.

 _'Cause I still believe in destiny_  
 _That you and I were meant to be_  
 _I still wish on the stars as they fall from above_  
 _'Cause I still believe_  
 _Believe in love_

Behind my eyes, I saw his face and it was smiling, lying in bed with me. His hands in my hair and his lips on my cheek and a soft melody playing in the background. How could I not believe in love when this man gave me his whole being- trusted me with his whole heart? I opened my eyes and they drifted across the room, finding him again and watching me. As the music played on with a break in the lyrics, I took the microphone away from the stand circling the piano slowly, taking a breath as the lyrics flowed around my mind and out of my mouth.

 _I know what's real cannot be denied,_  
 _although it may hide for a while._  
 _With just one touch, love can conquer fears,_

Jesse had his head rested in his hands, smiling as he watched me conquer the room and the song. I stole a glance around the room and most of the girls had a smile on their face, Brittany was swaying. Finn was stone faced and Puck was acting chill like always but he was nodding to the beat.

 _Turning all your tears into smiles._  
 _It's such a wondrous feeling,_  
 _I know that my heart can't be wrong…_

My feet found their way to Jesse. His hand reached out and touched my waist and I picked it up, threading my fingers through his as his smile affected me, went into me and I put it into the song.

 _Love can make miracles_  
 _Change everything_  
 _Lift you from the darkness and make your heart sing,_

I use my hands, using them as instruments, pushing out with a notes and bringing to my heart with a breath.

 _Love is forever_  
 _When you fall_

I walk from Jesse and over to the piano, letting my hand run back over it, bracing myself for the hardest part of the song, the crescendo where it took your all. I pushed down with the note, shutting my eyes tight.

 _It's the greatest power of all!_

I let my shoulders unwind and with a jump in my step, I head back to where the mic stands, solitary. I dropped my hand a few inches from my waist and pushed down so it emphasizes the melody.

 _Oh I still believe in destiny_  
 _that you and I were meant to be_  
 _I still wish on the stars as they fall from above_  
 _Cause I still believe_  
 _Believe in love_

I belted out the last lines and I could feel the happiness, the brightness shining from me. It was all so potent- pure joy. I slowed it down to sing the last part, softly and sweetly.

 _I still believe_  
 _Believe in love_

I closed my eyes and ended the last note as the band faded out, around me applause actually happened. I slowly opened my eyes as the clapping over powered the band. I grinned and noticed the only ones who weren't clapping were Finn and Santana, which was really no surprise. I bowed and took my seat, where I earned a sweet kiss from Jesse.


	7. ready for a change

I walked out of my hotel room, trying to get that damn kiss out of my head. Why would she choose him? If I can see it, can't everyone see it? I was the better choice. I understand her perfectly, well almost because I certainly don't understand this. There couldn't possibly be a universe where in those two could last. What dream is she holding on too? The one where she climbs to the top of her social ladder by dating the quarterback or the one where she can be able to say 'I'm dating a football player'? The Rachel I _thought_ I knew didn't care about those things. Never want to climb anywhere but to the top of the Broadway ladder. To just be the next Streisand.

I rake a hand though my unnaturally tousled curls and hail a cab. Giving him the address as we pulled out into traffic, I leaned into the seat. The leather was worn thin; it smelled like sweaty socks, smokes, and vomit cleaner. I silently wondered why I never saw girl cabbies. The driver was always a guy as far back as I could remember. The cab pulled to a stop, pulling me from my rambling wonders. I paid him his $40 and jumped out, heading into the karaoke bar, an actors safe haven and worse nightmare.

As I opened the door, the place was unnaturally crowed- usually these things were barley scraping by, but this one had a pretty good following. Maybe I should've have chosen the one on 166th street. I looked around as my eyes adjusted to the lighting, unwinding my scarf from my neck, oh well, I'm here. It was pretty much the same as any other, look wise, anyway. There was a platform with a piano, a stool, a microphone, and some speakers with an amp for a guitar if a patron so chose to bring one. Tables and booths were lined up across the floor. There was a bar, next to the door, of course, and to the left of it was a back hallway, my guess was for the management and bathrooms.

I quickly claimed a stool at the end where I had a good view of the stage and settled myself as the bartender made his way to me. "What can I get you?" He asked. He had a New York accent from the Bronx and scruff on his chin a metal ring glancing of his wedding finger and barley no hair. My guess is he has been married 10 years and has two kids. I glanced at a menu in front of me.

"If I asked for a beer would you card me?" I asked him, a smirk playing on my lips and he laughed.

"Not tonight. Seems to be heartbreak hell out there." He nodded to the door, while cleaning a glass in his hand before setting it on the rack and popping the cap of some beer before handing it to me.

I felt my face fall and she came, unbidden, into my mind. "Tell me about it." I let my hands wrap around the cold body of the bottle and close my eyes, remembering, against my will, the events of three hours earlier.

"Sorry, man." The bartender replies and I gave him a nod. He moves on, back down the bar and onto a new customer. I look across the place and see a girl dancing on the stage, singing to some heartbreak song, my guess was Lenka- she seemed to be climbing in popularity as of late. I stepped away from the bar and meandered my way over to an open booth. The girl had on heavy black makeup with choppy, blonde hair and a KISS t-shirt. The normal grunge type with ripped jeans and a pair of knee-reaching, black, shiny boots. Her voice was a bit pitchy at some places and maybe if it wasn't for the alcohol in her system, she'd be decent but I couldn't argue that the song was perfect for tonight.

I wanted to order another beer, to wash away my sorrows, but I had decided that it was probably not the best idea to become any sort of intoxicated tonight. Rachel always hated drinking, more so after the catastrophe with the Glee club. God, she was still influencing my decisions. I still ordered a water instead of a beer. As I looked into the clear glass with its icy cubes and muse on how I used to find unrequited love so funny. I took a deep drink, not so much anymore.

It hurts because you want to wrap them in your arms, kiss them from dawn to dusk, sing your heart out to them, love them until it hurts but you can't because they aren't yours to do those things to. A guy, wearing a shirt similar to the bartender comes over a collects my empty bottle, "Can anyone sing?" I asked, nodding to the make-shift stage platform.

He follows my line of sight and nods, "Yeah, you just go up to guy by the speakers, his name's Rich, and he'll give you a chart thing, you put down your name and if you need background music." The guy instructed before he walked away. I picked myself from my sad, little booth and walked to the guy by the sound system, weaving through the tables.

I got the speakers picked up the signup sheet. It was pretty full but I managed to get my name down. I was number 24 and the paper had 'x's all the way down to number 15. I gave a nod to 'Rich' who gave me a nod, in return, as I handed him the sign-up sheet. Signing was always a good scapegoat for a performer like myself.

I went back to my booth, trying to keep _her_ away from my thoughts and what she is doing at this second but it didn't work and she was probably curled up in his arms, laughing as their friends sang ridiculously or watched some movie. I sat back down, heavily, and grabbed my glass, ignoring my want for alcohol to take my mind of all this- like hell I was going to become my father. I sat through the numbers, listening to the ones who couldn't carry notes _at all_ andthe ones who sang okay that only needed some training and others who could hit the notes but couldn't hold them. Not one of them could sing like Rachel, whose voice was velvet and chocolate, as warm as her eyes when she was happy. Was she happy now? With him?

I was stuck in my thoughts when I heard "Jesse St. James." I slowly got up and headed toward the stage, nodding at the performer coming down as I was going up. I had to do a fair amount of rearranging the stage to get it in a way that was playable, with the stool with the piano and the mic hooked to the stand in juncture with the key-string instrument. I sat down and clicked both of the mics on, "Ready?" Rich asked me and I nodded. He picked up his microphone, like he had for everyone, and announced me, "Next, Jesse with Change the World." He then backed off the stage. I was used to listening to this with a guitar and a piano was a completely different instrument.

 **If I could reach the stars I'd pull one down for you**  
 **Shine it on my heart so you could see the truth**  
 **That this love I have inside is everything it seems**  
 **But for now I find it's only in my dreams**

I opened my eyes, watching my hands as they danced around the keys. It took me back to _Hello_ with Rachel in the music store. I smiled a true smile at the memory. Okay to let it play in my mind.

 **That I can change the world**  
 **I would be the sunlight in your universe**  
 **You will think my love was really something good**  
 **Baby if I could change the world**

I saw her in my mind's eye. I apparently wasn't what she wanted and even though we would've taken the world by storm, we weren't enough. We could have been an epic tale. Before tonight, I thought we were inevitable. We clicked on so many different levels and every touch set my nerves on end- we could have instilled hope and raised young dreams. We really could have changed the world.

 **If I could be king even for a day**  
 **I'd take you as my queen I'd have it no other way**  
 **And our love will rule in this kingdom we have made**  
 **Till then I'd be a fool wishin' for the day**

I closed my eyes, letting my voice drift through the place. I heard some whispers wrapping around the room but I ignored them. I knew that I was good and probably the best thing to grace this stage tonight but as of this moment, I really just didn't care as the sad melody swarmed around me.

It was an electric moment that snapped my eyes open, something in me telling them to open. I felt my heart twist and I felt my stomach flip. Only one person ever, in my life, had elicited that reaction from me. So when my eyes opened wide, I scanned the bar until my clear, blue eyes met warm, brown eyes. I threw my emotions into the song, as much as I could. In my opinion, it made me sound even better.

 **That I can change the world**  
 **I would be the sunlight in your universe**  
 **You will think my love was really something good**  
 **Baby if I could change the world**  
 **Baby if I could change the world**

I stopped singing, letting the melody play out and my hands fell into place on every note. I did what do and I did my best. I looked up and watched her as she sat in my booth, though it wasn't hard to figure out it was mine. My jacket and scarf was on the table. She ordered something from bartender guy and then she quickly turned her eyes back to me. The words came back to the song in my head though the song had ended already and I never broke our eye contact, until I had to pull legs for under the piano and start my trek thought the applause and back to my occupied booth. The room exploded into clapping, more than any performer had owned that night since I had gotten in. I said my thanks to the random people who clapped me on the back until I slid into the seat and Rich announced the next singer, a girl who was a nervous ball of nerves.

I returned my gaze to the brown haired beauty, her brown eyes meeting mine instantly before blushing and looking down into my drink, which was in her hands. I smirked in humor as I waited for her to say something. She just took sips of our water, watching the girl on the stage, singing so worthless song about a cheap motel and night to never forget.

"I'm sorry for Finn." She speaks up, startling me. "He tends to overreact." She goes on, "I've been trying to find you." She scowls at me, "I've called you about a hundred times and have searched at least four karaoke places before this." She makes sure i know the trouble she went through to find me and I shrug, taking my drink from her and tipping its remaining contents into my mouth.

I return my eyes to the stage, a guy now, sing Gold Digger in the worse way possible and I wonder if this could be considered a capital crime. "I know you aren't gonna wait around forever." She speaks again and I return my eyes to her as Bartender Double refills my water and brings a new glass to the table. She slowly wraps her hands around the new one, pulling it toward her and muttering a thinks to the guy. I nod in appreciation and lift the glass to my lips. "A guy can only be turned down one so many times before giving up but I don't want you to give up because I really love you." She spills and I think I am actually in shock at this.

"How do I know you're telling me the truth? That you won't give up and run right back to where you came from?" I ask, looking at her with harsh eyes, doubt her for the first time.

"Because, I spent $120 on cab fare, got yelled at by Santana, sneaked out on Mr. Schue's lecture, and am sitting here, begging you to _give_ me one last chance." She pleads, grasping for my hand and nearly spilling my drink. "I know you hurt me and I've hurt you in return but I don't want us to be 'that' couple." She scoots closer to me and I let her place a hand on my thigh, "Jesse, I _want_ to change the world." She whispers and I really don''t know what possessed me to do it but I close the extra distance between us and kiss her. I feel her smile beneath my lips and I smile with her.

"We'll change the world, then." I pull her int my arms and let her sit and watch with me before I take her back to the hotel.


	8. As Long as You're There

Rachel stood at the side of the theater, sneaking away from her team to watch Sunshine blow the roof. She was talented, almost able to match her own level. Her team had just been on, and Finn probably blew it for all of them. What was he thinking? She wondered as the curtains rose up to reveal Sunshine, standing in all her glory, the glory she deserved at the front and center of the stage. Vocal Adrenaline swayed in the background and Sunshine's eyes met Rachel's. They shared a smile and the brunette singer gave her a thumbs up. The one on stage took a deep breath and gave another smile as Rachel leaned against the wall.

As Sunshine hummed the being of the song, Rachel closed her eyes. She thought back to when she was signing My Man, how all she could think of was Finn, his smile, his eyes lighting up, his arms as he hugged her, feeling so heartbroken. But now, now he kissed her. In front of New York, in front of the judges and she just wished that he hadn't. She was waiting for it, wanting it, a part of her wanted to jump for joy but now she just wanted to push him away, so very, very far away.

She silently thanked God for keeping Jesse away. He didn't know and wouldn't have to. Hopefully he wouldn't find out.

She focuses her mind back to Sunshine's song and surprisingly she saw curly, brown hair, a lopsided smile, a silly smirk, glacier, blue eyes, and the feel of undeniable passion in her mind's eye.

It was always there but she had been too involved with a fantasy of Finn to see it and now she could actually lose him.

Rachel opened her eyes and Sunshine started with the words of the song.

 _. . . all my life I've waited for the right moment to let you know, I don't wanna let you go, but now I've realized there's just no perfect time. . ._

Rachel looked out over the audience, watching how Sunshine took the song and the audience with her. Even if they were disqualified for inappropriate behavior, Rachel hoped Sunshine won and got back her confidence. She, once again, let's her head rest against the cold wall and scans the crowd. Her team is all sitting, staring forward with impartial faces like they are supposed to, while she is over here cheering Vocal Adrenaline on.

She looks at our devoted leader and her eyes meet crystal blue ones. She stands up straighter in shock. Why is he here? Did he see? Oh god… she wishes to fade into the wall behind her and never come back out. Her insides jump, doing a high summersault. Her hands are sweaty, Her eyes way too wide for normalcy, and she knew her face had to be burning in nervousness, as he pulled himself straight up, watching her, watching him, watch her.

 _. . . I'm incomplete when you're not there, holding me, touching me I swear all of the rest could just disappear and I wouldn't even care, as long as you're there . . ._

He stood, telling Mr. Shue something and departed from the group, those of the team who took notice of him, whispered around, but other than that no one moved an inch. Rachel watches him, eyes glued to him as he walks up the aisle and a part of her wonders if he is going for the doors, leaving her again, but this time, she can only blame her own stupid actions. But instead he continues around the auditorium, towards her. He picks up her gaze again, holding her rooted to her spot.

Then he's in front of her, feet away and she stares at him, talking without words.

She doesn't want to speak, because, well, it would be very rude to Sunshine and her performance, but also, she can't find her own voice.

Rachel just looks at Jesse with sad eyes trying to convey how much she wishes she could take it back and return that kiss, how much she didn't want it, and how sorry she is. She shakes her head, trying to tell him that nothing that happened on the stage mattered to her.

He just looks at her, hurt staining his blue gaze. Rachel looks over her shoulder at Sunshine, her voice echoing around them, and then back to Jesse. His eyes had followed hers before returning a second later, titling his head and glancing over at the team, towards Finn.

Rachel looked back at Jesse who was watching her intently. She shakes her head again, feeling tears forming and it never supposed to be this difficult.

But it was Jesse and Rachel, they are epic, they are going places, they have plans.

They could have it again.

If she didn't have him, she had nothing.

 _. . . This is me reaching out; I hope you can hear it now. 'Cause, baby my heart said stay, take it, it's yours to break. I'd rather try and lose, than keep this love from you . . ._

Finn felt someone nudge him and he looked up to see Santana. She was smirking and pointed to the far side of the auditorium. He looked at her, not getting what was going on. They supposed to be watching the competition. _'I think I found Rachel'_ , she mouthed to him. Rachel had been gone for about 15 minutes and he was getting worried.

He instantly brightened and again she pointed to the far end of the auditorium. He follows her finger over to the far side and sees her. Her back is to the stage and her gaze . . . Finn follows further down the aisle she was standing in, and his mood comes crashing down. He sees St. Jerkhead there, but that's all he can see. He couldn't tell if they were talking or not. If Santana hadn't pointed them out, then he would've never seen them.

He looks at Santana and she shrugs, smirking as she settled back into her seat. Finn returns his attention back to Rachel and St. Jerknuts. She looked over at Sunshine and he remains looking straight. Then they both looked at the team. What was going on?

All Finn could do was watch. He didn't want to disturb the performance. When did even arrive?

 _. . . Holding me, touching me I swear, all of the rest could just disappear and I wouldn't even care, as long as you're there. . ._

Jesse watched her from his place up the aisle. She looked as if she was about to cry. She had hurt him, without even trying and now she is staring at me, talking to me in a way that words need not apply. Jesse didn't want to be hurt again by her and he wishes she would know that. She just watches him, he can see the plead in her eyes as Jesse contemplates his decision to let her back in or walk away for good. It's not a decision at all.

He opens his arms as the song reaches its height.

 _. . . Each day and night, that I've kept this a secret, it'd kill me; it's time to share what I feel inside. . ._

She races to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He caches her waist and holds her tightly to him. He can feel her tears on his skin. Jesse slowly lowered her to the ground, resting his forehead to hers as he brings one hand to clutches the back of her head. He gives her a second to pull away, to reject him, but she pulls him in, meeting his lips.

It was slow passion that simmered between us, igniting us.

She was reacting well to him being here, considering she had gone as forbidding him to step a foot in New York while she was here, he thought.

He felt her leave his lips and buried he head into his chest, leaving him little choice but to wrap his arms around her, his head bowing down to lay on hers.

Just holding her close to him, as close as he could get her.

Finn watched it all and he knew as his heart broke like it did when they were back home and he watched Jesse kiss her on that stage, that his hold had been destroyed. All the things he did to win Rachel back, the date, throwing Nationals, all of it, was no longer worth anything. When the members of the team tore into them later, because everyone knew they would, it would be him in trouble, because Rachel was with Jesse, and he had instigated the kiss. It was his fault.

She wasn't his.

He felt the air leave him. He felt his heart crumble and settle into the bottom of his stomach.

"Well, look at it this way, you would have lost her anyway, it just happened sooner than later." Santana whispered in his ear.

He just focused on the stage, because he was already feeling bad, and he really wanted to punch St. Jerk-Kisser.

She let him hold her, and she felt that no matter how close they were, she would never be close enough. Jesse and Rachel needed no words, because there were none. When Jesse tried to let her go, she shook her head, pulling him closer.

She had just found out what she was missing, she was going to take her time. Rachel heard him chuckle, and he rested his arms back around her small frame in the dark of the auditorium as Sunshine wound down her song.

Nothing could make her let him go, not now. She carefully looked up at Jesse and he switched to tucking her her his arm and rest up against the wall of the place, and she kept her arms wrapped around him, laying her head on him.

 _. . . as long as you're there. . ._


	9. Voice Mail

**1st day of Spring Break**

 **Raichyl's Voice Mail:** Hey **–sob-** I'm sorry, I didn't mean that **–sniffle-** I would choose them or anyone **–sniffle-** over you! I was just trying to make it so no one was mad and I lost everyone **–sniffle-** but most heartbreaking to me, I lost **–sob-** you. Please baby, call me. **–sob-**

 **-dial tone-**

 **Jesse's Reaction:** It's just one call, keep up the will power. This is just an acting exercise, Jesse! You shouldn't care if you hurt her, it's all part of the act, just let her cry, Hudson will pick up the pieces, he _always_ does.

 **2nd day of Spring Break**

 **Raichyl's Voice Mail:** We got an assignment in Glee. No one is singing anymore. I paid this scary girl, Lacey or something to record the class. It's not the same without you. Finn doesn't understand any Broadway, Kurt just scoff's at me and turns away, Puck just looks at his muscles and hits on everyone. It's disgusting. Come home soon, Carebear. I love you, you know? Oh and I decided I was gonna sing the Climb—

 **Raichyl's 2nd Voice Mail:** Dang thing cut me off. Anyway, The Climb by Miley Cyrus. Sure she is a bit teen-y bopper for my status, but it works because no tries as hard as me, or you. But we actually have dreams that will take us far and away. Stay true to me, okay. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.

 **-dial tone-**

 **Jesse's Reaction:** She's cute... wait, no.

 **3rd day of Spring Break**

 **Raichyl's Voice Mail: -scratchy-** Oh my god, **-voice breaks-** I was singing, and my voice gave out! **–sob-** Finn's taking me to the doctor, only person in Glee to volunteer, they clapped **–voice breaks-** CLAPPED, Jesse! I might never **–sniffle-** Sing again! What am I going to do? I need you home-

"Rachel, come on!"

\- I have to go baby, but call me back **–voice breaks-** I love you.

 **-dial tone-**

 **Jesse's Reaction: T** hey _clapped_ with their best vocalist _lost_ her voice? He volunteered? _Shit!_

 **4th day of Spring Break**

 **Raichyl's Voice Mail: -less scratchy-** Umm, I don't want you to freak out . . .but today some Glee kid's went and did their assignment's, well, Finn . . .his was _interesting._ His song choice was quite **-click-**

The phone picks up and Jesse responds, "what song, Rachel?"

Rachel screams from the other end, shocked at this sudden turn of events, "Jesse?"

"What song, Rachel?" Rachel notes that he doesn't sound intrigued or happy.

"See this is why I like your voicemail, it doesn't interrupt and doesn't get grouchy when it doesn't get its way. Also, I'm not afraid to tell it stuff." She replies.

"Each, you called and I answered, so what song?" he goes for coaxing it out of her.

"Of course you'll be mad, Jesse. That the number one line in the book, everyone who uses it gets mad, so if you hang up, I'll just call back. Because I know you; you're me, and the way I would react to what I'm about to say, is hanging up, so I wouldn't be surprised." She said from her end and he gets that she has a point. If he doesn't like her answer, he'll probably chuck his phone at the wall. Her voice is heard over the line agin, "he sang . . . Jesse's girl."

 **-click-**

 **Raichyl's 2nd Voice Mail: -less scratchy-** See, do I know you, or do _I know you._ Don't worry, Jesse. I love _you_.

 **-dial tone-**

 **Jesse's Reaction:** Yeah, it's easy to say that when you're not the significant other of the one getting serenaded by other people. God Damnit.

 **Last Day of Spring Break**

 **Raichyl's Voice Mail:** So the doctor was great. I went back for a checkup, my daddy took me, and I'm all better, but my heart isn't with you not her-

Jesse shuts his phone as he leans on the doorjamb, watching her twirl around the dance room. He reasons its because he can't let Finn steal her back before the plan is finished. He has to hurry this up, make it quick, he can't be catching feelings.

"Jesse-" She says and he snaps to, looking at he shocked face. She looks stunned, but happy.

"Hi." He says, smiling at her, walking into the room.

"Hi." is all she can think to say, "how was your spring break?" She asks, a little guarded, to his disappointment.

"Good. It's good to be back. What were you just rehearsing?" He asks her, trying to get back into their old rhythm. It works.

"A guy came to Glee Club to talk to us about dreams. Luckily, I've known mine since I was four: I'm gonna play three parts on Broadway, Evita, Funny Girl and Laurie in Oklahoma. I was just practicing her dream ballet with Curly, it's what I do when I'm feeling a little stressed." She smiles out at the floor, and he put his hands on her shoulders, trying to comfort and reassure her at the same time.

"That's not a dream. A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that you know if it came true all the hurt would go away. You singing "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" in front of a sold out crowd isn't a fantasy, it's an inevitability." It works, he feels like he beginning to understand every part of her, know he like he knows his Queen music book. He pulls her in for a hug, wanting to hold her for as long as he could before he couldn't. He could at least admit that to himself.

"I thought you'd never come back." Her voice was muffled, and he sighs as he lays his head on hers.

"And miss all your drama? Never." He smiles. Duty before heart. Sadly.

He hugs her tighter.


	10. Name Game

We all sat in the chairs listening as Mr. Shue went on about the importance of teamwork and if we don't rely on each other, we couldn't rely on anyone and the founding of glee club was teamwork and then he showed us our new name, which was lacking in all areas. It was boring and didn't even call attention to the group. I don't think I've ever seen something so unaspiring. It was better than Sandy's choice before he was fired, but really? I look at the others in the room and they all mirror my reaction. Dumbfounded shock. Everyone protested it.

"You aren't serious, are you?" I asked, being the first to speak since Mr. Shue had the audacity to write the name on the board.

"Hey, I know it's not the best-" He tries to defend the name and himself, when Jesse, my co-captain, starts in.

"That's an understatement! We'll be a laughing stock at Regional's- not to mention every other competition we get into!" A chorus of voices agree with him. We didn't agree commonly but when it came to the club, we put teamwork first- just like Mr. Shue's lecture proposed us too.

"I demand a vote!" I call out, my hand shouting up in response. Mr. Shue look appalled at our instance that we change the name but I look around me, to the faces of the group but most importantly Jesse's. Jesse is smirking his trade mark smirk and if I look at him long enough, I can tell why so many girls chase after him. With his smirk and rebellious aura, black clothes and motorcycle boots, plus vocals to die for and not so bad at sports and studies, he's a knock out. For me, a killer voice and grades above average but not so killer style, I never thought about him except for his reputation but then he joined Glee Club for a reason that remains a mystery.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about him as more since the Finn incident during the first week when Finn and I had made, what I had thought with childhood naivety, a life-altering connection and we even kissed on the stage- at the time I thought it was the most romantic thing until he said that he had to break up with his girlfriend, which he was going to do, just waiting for the right time, and he wanted me to wait for him. At the time, I thought being the quarterback's girlfriend would elevate my status so high that no slushy could touch me. Then Jesse, clad in black, walked onto the stage. Everything felt like it was straight out of a movie. . .

"Jesse?" I move out of Finn's hold, the pressure of his lips fading away quickly. Jesse's boots click fast and furiously across the stage floor, looking for trouble.

"You got some nerve joking around with her feelings." Jesse says ignoring me, staring straight at Finn.

"Dude, whats it to you?" Finn stands up and towers over Jesse, although they are a lot closer in height than Finn and I are. I watch Jesse finally reach us and grab hold of my arm, tugging me behind him. Separating me from my date. I am confused to say the least because a guy I had barely spoke three words to since we came to high school was now defending me against a football player who was planning to date me.

Didn't he realize the opportunity he was ruining? Sure we used to play together a bit when we were kids but I'm sixteen now- not a five-year-old who just had a lollipop stolen.

"You seriously treat girls this way?" Jesse stands so close to him and then swings out, his fist a flash of flesh because a resounding pop echos around us, followed my high-pitched yelp and Finn lays on the stage, staring up at Jesse with wide eyes, hand massaging his jaw, trying to comprehend what had just happened. "She's not for you to play around with, jackass." Finn stands up and steps backward, I can see his balance is slightly shook and he's trying to gain it back.

"Jess-" I get cut off by Jesse swinging at Finn again, landing another punch. Finn stumbles back this time more prepared for the hit coming, though his jaw was taking on a very red hue. He tries to move away, which should be easy for him, considering Jesse was smaller, but I guess some muscles are hidden under those black clothes of his. "Hey!" I grab onto Jesse, pulling him back towards me, looking between the two. _So confused._ "You can stop." I pull again, trying to break their eye contact, which I heard helps in guy fights, and get some clarification. My hands are lacked tightly around Jesse's arm, trying to keep him from dealing another blow but I am slightly distracted by the muscles I can feel rippling under my fingers. He definitely has something there.

He looks down at me, not shaking off my hands, but staring and I'm hit with his blue eyes, clear and focused on me, but raging like a storming sea and I'm the boat rocking on those waves, in danger of being swept over. "Are you defending him right now?"

"No... I just don't like fighting." I'm simple, didn't he remember that? He laughs though and the storm retreats and I'm safe, sailing smoothly on happy waters. He grabs my hand in his, lacing his fingers and pulling me off the stage. "Jesse, what's going on?" I look back once at Finn who is already leaving through the back, not even sparing me a glance. _Ugh.. a missed chance I won't get back._ I pull my hand from his, "Explain. I'm not moving until you do," I cross my arms and wait.

He's slightly annoyed, pushing his hair back, but he leans against the wall, "He's an asshole," He says through gritted teeth. "I heard the other football players joking about it in the bathroom at lunch."

"Joking about what?" I ask, staying in the middle of the walkway, refusing to take another step until he tells me why he just ruined my chance for social popularity and freedom from the slushies.

"How Finn here was gonna score finally because Quinn won't have sex with him," He doesn't bother to look at me, and I feel like I was just punched. _Seriously?_ He walks away from me, leaving me in the dark auditorium and if I wasn't so hurt, stunned, by what was just reveled, I could so admire the play-like form of the scene that unfolded, Finn in his standard striped-polo knocked down by a dark knight.

As Glee class starts and I'm still stuck in the events of this afternoon. Finn sits by Quinn, not even looking at me. Why would he... why did I want him to? Jesse walks in and sits next to me. Everyone is looking at him with surprise. Everyone in school knew he loved to sing- he was part of the play group in town and part of the dance group I'm in, but the way he treats Glee, you would think it's beneath him. "Why are you here?" I snap, pissed for no reason but pissed. Maybe because of what he told me, that Finn was lying and now I had no hope at all. _Don't shoot the messenger and all, right?_

He ignores me and just scrolls on his phone. I roll my eyes. Mr. Shue joins the class as well, going through the "first things first" but then he drops the major bomb. Mr. Shue announces that I have now a co-captain, much to my displeasure...

... and since then I've gotten to know Jesse in _many_ ways. "I second!" Jesse calls out, sending a wink over my way.

"I!" responds Kurt and I put a nod in his general direction and soon the rest follow suit. Mr. Shue looks mad, but as he says: this is a democratic atmosphere.

"Fine! You have until tomorrow and if none of you can agree then we stay as is." he argues and walks into his office with a main character like flourish.

I stand up and fix my skirt before turning to the group, acting like the captain I am, "I think it would be best if we split off into groups and each come up with a name we think is good, then tomorrow we can vote on them." Everyone nods- not like it was a bad idea. It'll be better in the long run anyway because we don't really agree on things as individuals. Jesse stands and hands me my bag, which I shoulder with a polite thank you, trying not to blush. I'm still not used to this Jesse, seeing a different side than the one I've seen in school for a couple years. These last few months have been quite interesting.

"Where are you going?" Finn leans forward in his seat as Jesse keeps heading for the door.

"To pick a name. Jesse and I are teaming up." It's quite plain as day, "Plus, club is over."

Jesse holds open the door. "Ready?" he asks and I give him a nod as he waves his hand in an 'after you' gesture.

"Wait! Why can't you stay in here with the rest of us? Practice isn't totally over yet." Finn hollers out at us again and this time Quinn is looking at him with suspicion. Jesse gives him this glare and I spare a look at Jesse, afraid he might revel the auditorium incident, but all he does is give a long drawn out sigh and roll his head backward, giving Finn the most boring look possible.

"We are going to go have sex," and I can hear the sarcasm dripping off his voice.

"Don't flatter yourself, St. James," I retorted hotly, before turning to the room, where I hear Puck laughing. "We're going to go work on names, like all of you should do," I say, pointing to the board for emphasis. I feel Jesse's hand on the small of my back as he leads me from the room, carefully shutting the door.

Once he hears the click of the latch though, he wraps his arm around me, pulling me close. I can feel his breath on my ear as he bends down to whisper to me, "That was to close." I smile and my head automatically dips as my face flushes. I still don't know how to control myself around him. Ever since he became co-captain, I've had to spend time around him and I remembered when he pushed me in the sand box in first grade, which he laughs off now, and then our first kiss a few weeks ago in the library as I was looking through song books and he sang with with me and from there... it just goes on and on.

"Only at your insisting that we don't let them know," I debate as we walk down the hall to the auditorium.

"It wouldn't be as fun," He teases, a whisper in my ear again as I let him pull me tighter into his side as we walk into the auditorium. We separate and place our bags in the closest chairs, not really worrying about them. .

I go forward toward the stage but Jesse's arms encircle me and I feel his lips touch my neck, sending shivers across my body and heat flows toward my center. I feel him behind me, his hands gripping my waist. My eyes drift shut and I reach up, touching his neck and a gasp slips through my lips as his hand reaches under my shirt, drifting across the line between my skirt and my bare skin.

"Here?" I ask him, my voice still lost in the heat of his mouth, touching my skin. His lips are soft and his bites are enticing- if he's not careful, he'll leave marks. He twists me around and moves the hair from my face, looking at me with piercing eyes. "I don't want to be just another notch, Jesse." His eyes soften and he steps closer, bringing my back to the wall.

"You aren't, Rach. I've loved you since the sandbox and it hasn't changed yet." He lays a kiss on my lips. "Do you think I would take on a guy who could destroy me if I wasn't serious?" He laughs and I'm still stuck on the confession of loving me. "I even joined the Glee Club to get your attention." That truly shocks me and he kisses me again and I fall for him a thousand times as his fingers dance around my skin in the place where it all began again.


	11. don't let it be over

_My day and night are all you_  
 _Without any space left you fill me up_  
 _All sounds of life seem like you_

As I sit in the damn waiting room all I can think about is her. She's inside and I'm out here, unable to help her at all. Maybe I should have followed my sister to medical school... then I could know she is okay. It's been too long since I've seen her. My insides are spinning like a washing machine and all I can show is a cold exterior void of tears. The tabloids will say I'm an "uncaring husband to his injured soon-to-be wife" but they don't know how awful I feel. I should have stopped this- I should have protected her!

My hands are about to break from how tight they are clenched, my body full of tension. I wait for the damn doctor to come out of those doors so I can see her. I can't live without her. _I won't._

I close my eyes and see her in my mind. Her laughter swirls around me, she is my music, my life. I've never know until now, just how embedded in me life she is. Her smile powering the sun. I can see her as she leans upon a tree, her melody spinning around us and I lay in her lap. I remember her eyes looking down on me as the camera clicks. She has to be okay.

Oh, god. I just want to hold her.

"Can you believe what they put it the magazines?" I ask her, calling from the bathroom as I wash up for the morning." _Broadways Drama Queen's stalker is getting vengeful.'_ They act like it's a joke you're being stalked."

"Stop reading them! They just stress you out!" I hear her say back and I laugh.

"I would but it seems like they know more than the damn cops." She leans on the doorjamb to the bathroom, watching me clean up. "Maybe we should hire some security. Armed security."

"You're being paranoid-"

"Rachel!" Jesse emphasized. "A lunatic has tried to run you over with a car, stalked you to practice, threatened you with a knife, and this is our third move in 3 months because who knows why! I'm not paranoid- you're not cautious enough." I resume brushing me teeth as she walks toward the bedroom.

"He said it's because I denied his marriage proposal when my show came out." I sigh. This guy who had been outside her first show had proposed to her and I know she tried to joke it off, but when the article came out of our engagement, he showed up again. I didn't even know the guy. At first it was yelled criticisms like whore, slut, bitch, ect. But then it got stranger, strange yells from below our terrace, creeping on her Instagram and leaving really, really strange comments, even photo shopping photos of them together, trying to say she is a cheater...

"Jesse, I'm going to rehearsal!" Her voice echoes around the apartment.

I walk out of the bathroom, toothbrush in mouth and she laughs. We're so different now, I think. So normal than the dramatic couple at McKinley High. If that we could see us now...

"Do you want me to walk you out?" She smiles and shakes her head, pulling her coat on to beat the cold outside the door.

"I'll be okay, the cops said he was caught."

"You don't know that until you identify him, Rach." I worry about letting her leave alone, "just give me two seconds. Don't leave." I quickly wash out the toothpaste and grab a hat and a coat. The cameras would have a field day if they saw me actually looking normal. Rachel is still standing at the door, ready to go. I smile. "Let's go."

She opens the door, "you're being overly cautious. The guy is locked up."

"Oh well." I tell her and we head to the elevator, taking it all the way to the lobby so she can hail a cab. "If you walked to rehearsal, I'd follow you every day until it's proven the psycho bastard is locked away." She shakes her head at me, thinking I'm ridiculous.

The lobby is full of people going about their day and I am worried he is among them. Until the identification tomorrow, I can't stop the worry that he found her again already. We walk outside, hand in hand, and she smiles at me, pulling from me and I can't shake the feeling of dread. I want to take her back upstairs and just tell her to watch Funny Girl or something. Today is not a good day. I should pull her hand back, keep her close. I should-

"RACHEL!" I run. I can't see. I fall. I saw her, she stepped down to hail the cab and then- I never saw the plate of his licenses, all I saw was Rachel flying, all I heard was the skid of the tires, all I felt was my heart being ripped from my body as I lurched from my place and ran like hell to her even though she was so close. I fumble for my cell phone, I can't see! I can't do anything. I say her name again and again, shock consuming me. Sound is empty, her hair is wet, my fingers fumble, she gasps for air...

I shake my head; knocking my memories and thoughts doctor comes out and Rachel's name is no longer on the surgery screen. Trying to be as calm as possible, I stand in front of him, hearing the news but all I can see is his scrubs with blood, his clipboard in his hands, which were clean. .

He told me she was recovering, in the ICU. This passing night would tell if she would survive, the next hours were the most critical. Worst was that I couldn't see her, not yet. He told me to go home and wash up and when I came back, she should be in her room in the ICU.

"How long will she be there?" It's the question I choose to ask and I don' even know how I managed that.

"Until we determine that she can be moved to a regular room." I don't ask for specifics, I'm not my sister- I wouldn't even begin to understand them. The doctor takes his leave to change out of the scrubs. My ears are ringing, my eyes are tearing up, I feel my body start shaking.

I saw her wavy chocolate hair flowing everywhere; it was so long because she was growing it out for a role. Her skin was pale and pasty white on the dark concrete of the road. I started to cry. She was locked in there and under such surveillance, I couldn't even go in to be with her.

I walk into the entry way. We'll have to move again. I look around, most things are in boxes, still, anyway.

Everything I do seems careful and quiet. Should I be screaming and yelling? Why am I not raging, screaming at the cops for locking up the wrong guy? I look around the kitchen, pans barely out of the bubble wrap.

I broke then, nothing could comfort me. I screamed out fell to the ground. _Why her? Why now?_ I collapse in the middle of the room, bawling my eyes out. _Is this what you want?_ I screamed up at god or whoever was there to hear me. _You want me to suffer so you take my most valuable thing? You want me to die from the pain? You want her to lull you to sleep with her voice from the angles?_ I screamed some more.

"YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!" I yelled out loud, towards whoever was there. "She promised, she promised me, she said it . . . DON'T TAKE HER FROM ME! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!" I yell louder making sure whoever controls our fates hear me.

I fall in on myself. This won't do anything- Rachel won't be okay if I scream. The door beeps and I turn around. Blaine stands there, his hands shoved in his pockets. "She isn't gone yet." He says, walking over to me and hauling me to my feet, "She'll be home soon, she wouldn't leave you alone. You wouldn't survive." He tries calming me but I still want rage.

She survived the night. All my screaming was for nothing. "Oh god." I turn around and see her lips move, her hand coming to rest on her forehead. She's groggy from the medicine and pain, as the nurses said she would be. "Hurts me." I smile, she's awake. I sit next to her and pull her arm back down slowly, laying it at her side.

"If you move like that, you're going to be hurt." I smooth her hair down.

"That feels good." I hear her mumbled. I want to dance and sing. This joy can never be measured. I kiss her forehead.

"I'll be right back." I run to get the nurses and they come in to check things and do nurse stuff.

She doesn't wake up fully. Not for another day and then they move her to a regular room. Her stalker was arrested for attempted murder and a hit-and-run. He fully confessed and many witnesses ID'ed him.

I sit in her room as she talks to me, holding my hand and also looking at a menu in front of her, asking me to buy her take out. "Rachel?" She looks away from the takeout menu and looks at me. "Let's get married soon, okay?" Her hand tightens in mine. "As soon as the cast come off, deal?"

"Deal."


	12. Give Your Heart a Break

The place is filled tonight, I think to myself as I look around the local bar. It was karaoke night, too, and living so close to the college meant there would be a lot of aspiring singers to try and attract agents- like that's possible. I, on the other hand, am paying back a favor- a blind date set up by a guy in my class. I was a junior and even I realized that though I didn't lack in the manly department, I did lack in sincerity and I need that if I'm going to be on stage. So here I was, on a Friday night, with a philosophy major who didn't know much about Queen or Broadway, redhead, small, pretty, you ask her about Leonardo DiCaprio or Shane West and she can list of facts of a million. Her name was Lydia Crest and she is not the one.

But she was funny so maybe I'd take her home, she'd leave her number and I'd throw it away- maybe I'd date her for a while to see if it would change anything, or maybe I'd just leave and call it a bust. But I won't walk out- my mother taught me some manners after all. Growing up in Akron, Ohio, a not so small city, the lead of the glee club at one of the most prestigious high schools in the state, you get an ego boost or two; plus getting a full ride to two colleges of choice by leading the club to victory not once or twice but four times, it does something for a guy. My sister is a doctor and brother is a lawyer respectively, sibling rivalries set aside, we grew up well.

So, I sit here listening to the various people take the stage, talking to Lydia, whose voice wasn't that bad, not grating like some others I know, but not hypnotizing to say the least. I watch the people and I twirl my beer in my hands, the condensation making them cold. I take a drink and look around the place- at the bar there's a pretty blond fending off an indecent brunette guy, another brunette talking to two other guys, a well built guy with a razor cut- army no doubt, and . . . is that _Brody?_ Huh, guess I wasn't the only guy brought here from NYADA tonight.

Knowing that it's Brody, I take a little more attention to his company. Lydia is rambling on about her latest lecture and doesn't seem to care that I'm not actually paying attention, so I scan his two friends. A small brunette, shorter than Lydia, hot from the back at least. The other dude looks stuck up, ARMY definitely. Looks like he is lives by a stick code of morals, doesn't look to happy to be here- maybe feels out of place? Who cares? The girl though… I wonder if she looks good from the front too. I take another sip, not able to take my eyes off her.

Lydia seems to get I'm not actually paying her any attention and turns around, to see what's behind her. "Like what you see?" My sight direction refocuses and she looks at me with amused eyes.

"Sorry- you were talking about lectures, right?" She laughs out loud and waves her hand.

"Kind of. Hey do want to call it and just be friends? No pressure?" I look at her differently for the first time all night and give her a genuine smile.

"Okay- sounds good." She calls for two more beers and pulls out her phone. She quiet for once and turns away from me, staring more at the stage. It feels like friends- how interesting.

I return to watching the girl, her interaction with the two boys is different. With Brody, she seems close but not romantic, the other seems stressed, strained. A love triangle- not something to mess with. "You going to go for it?" I look at Lydia and smile.

"No- look at the dynamic. The group is a drama fest."

"Looks like something you'd be into." Her tone is flirty but her eyes are joking.

"Not since high school." I sip my drink as the new ones reach the table.

"Oh, this looks promising." She says as Brody and Mystery Girl head for the stage. Then for the first time, I see her face and it hits me. She looks my way, barely catching my eyes but it's enough for the lights to dim and all I see is her as she takes the microphone and raises it to her lips. "Thought you said you're not into her?"

I barely register her teasing remark. The girl is singing and the first sound has me by my throat and I wonder where she came from, if she did show choir and if she did, how come I never heard her because I knew that was a voice you didn't forget- even if it was singing a Lovato song. My eyes never faltered, even when the army dude moved into my line of vision. I stood up and walked around him, Lydia followed me because I guess we were companions for the night.

Brody started singing as I walked around the crowd, trying to find a good view. "You like her?" I shrugged and then she did this cute thing. The thing that girls do when they're flattered or embarrassed? The head down, hair behind ear. I felt a strong connection with a girl I never met, never even made random eye contact with. I couldn't look away even if I wanted to. I wasn't stupid- far from it. I knew that she had to be with one of the guys and probably had a good, long history with them- I didn't stand a chance, but then again, that never stopped me when I was a freshman and had the biggest crush on this senior, Olivia Bumot- nailed her by Christmas. I was just that good, maybe I won't stay out of this.

We stayed around not long after she finished her stage. "So...?" Her face looked at me, expectantly.

"I don't know." I run a hand through my curls. "She looks taken- it will be hard to break through that."

She shoulder-bumped me, "don't go breaking couples up. Instant attraction isn't worth a broken jaw." I laugh and look the ground, nodding. Instant attraction- was that what this was? I thought it was just love at first sight, like the stories, but we're in the 21st century. We date via apps and honestly love at first sight is a myth. Only fools believe in it.

"You're right, though I would like to try. Maybe I'll win." I look at her with a smirk and she steps closer to me.

"Maybe we can just take the night and you'll forget about her." Ah, I see now. This was her way of attaching to me.

I took a step away from her and patted her shoulder. "No thanks." To her credit, she doesn't get upset, she just shrugs me off.

"Jesse?" I hear his voice and turn around. Brody and the girl and army, plus two other guys that I hadn't noticed before. With my hands in my coat pocket, I shrugged. "What's up man?" He walks over to me, leaving his group behind- but I see interest has sparked in Mystery Girl's eyes. She feels it too? Whatever it is, he just gave me the perfect opening.

"Not much, just a blind date." I tilt my head to Lydia, standing behind me, and she has the sense to know this was not and opening and stayed where she was.

"Did you get the note from the seminar today? I felt like the teacher didn't have clue as to what she was going on about." I laugh and nod.

"Yeah, I'll drop them off at your place tomorrow. You working?" I realize I'm being stared at and let me eyes flit to the girl, who was staring at me. I smile at her and nod my head which gave her the courage and she comes up to Brody's side, leaving the ARMY man to the two boys.

"Brody, who's this?"

He looks surprised and then smiles, clapping me on my shoulder, "This is Jesse- he works with me at the music shop and goes to NYADA with us." We look each other up and down and he goes on, "we have a class together and I need the notes." He laughs.

I reach out my hand and she stares at it for a second. "Don't be rude." I chide her and she laughs, reaching out.

"I'm Rachel." Her voice is soft, velvety and smooth. I like it. I can't help not smiling at her. Our touch lasts a few extra seconds and ARMY guys stalks up, laying his arm across her shoulder. The boyfriend. I let go and switch my attention to Brody, not bothering with ARMY. The way to play this game was to leave her curious, make her think she is the one going for it- that's how to get her.

"Yeah, I'll be home after 5 though, music shops closing early for break, you know." Brody blew out a puff of air.

"I'll drop them by." He nods to me, and I to him- the universal guy acknowledgement.

"I have to get going, though. Lydia needs a ride home." As if it's a cue, she walks up to me without hesitation, looping her arm through mine. Rachel looks at it, taking a quick observation of that and I notice a spark of jealously register and I make sure her eyes meet mine, before I stare at his arm on her shoulder. Already setting boundaries.

I wonder slightly what will happen. We just met, not even 10 minutes ago. I haven't said 10 words to the girl. I keep steady eye contact that the rest of the others take note and Rachel then shrugs off the arm. _Interesting_. I take my arm from Lydia in return and nod to the group behind him, "Nice singing, by the way." Rachel looked happy but still held her pride to her closely as I turned and walked away.

I'm at work and checking out a customer when the bell dings and in comes Rachel. I didn't actually think I'd see her again. I haven't seen her once since that night a few weeks ago but here she comes into the shop. Natalie helps her find a Broadway play on disc and we both kept staring after each other across the floor. Wondering.

She comes up to the register, "We sort of met a while back," I hear her, glance at her like I wasn't staring holes in her since she walked in, acting like that night wasn't seared into my memory. "Brody?" She pushes as I ring up the girl in front of her.

I snap and point at her, "Give Your Heart a Break?" I ask and she beams, "yeah, Brody's girl. I remember."

She shrugs, "I'm not Brody's anything." I nod my head, acting like I didn't already know that. "I'm not dating the other one either." She's anxious. "You want to grab a drink?" No build up, nothing. She goes straight in for the kill. I look up from the cash register and if I'm nervous, I won't let it show.

"Yes." The girl leaves with her things and Rachel picks up a pack of gum and puts it with a song book and disc. I grab a pen from the holder and her receipt, "Call me and we'll meet up." I hand her the slip with my number and she bites her bottom lip, trying not to smile but I smile at her openly. She takes the paper from me and leaves. I take a big breath- this girl already has me wrapped around her finger. Natalie laughs across the store and I shoot her a look.


	13. Buzz Buzz

* _BUZZ* *BUZZ* Not again! Damn gun!_ I bang my hand on it as my shield lights up. I'm a weak-link... let's face it.

I came to the party of a classmate and low-and-behold she was hosting a laser tag party. Rented out the whole places for 6 hours of game time. I didn't know this when I RSVP'd. I thought it would be a park day. Never took her brown pigtails, round glasses, and hint of freckles to have a gamer lurking underneath.

I also didn't expect Jesse to come either. He always said that this scene wasn't his sort of scene. That he preferred musicals and bar nights to birthday parties, yet here he was, grinning at me like a Cheshire cat. _Dumb boyfriend._ Now I'm hiding in a corner cause my stupid gun keeps misfiring and I keep getting hit by someone with the code-name Tiger. What kind of name is that anyway? I know the names are already set but we still get to choose. Ugh, I want to go home and work on my lines with a glass of red wine that my father's bought me for my 22nd birthday.

The lights turn on. _Finally_.

We all emerge from hiding and the names go up on the score-board. I see mine near the bottom- but I'm not last. Tiger, though, is in 2nd place, sitting below the name Prince. I wonder who that is and cast a glance at Jesse. _Probably_.

The workers announce that the food has been delivered and we all exit to take a long need break. I smell the pizza before I even lay eyes on it.

Jesse finds his way to me and claims the seat next to me as we all sit down. "Hey girlfriend." He smiles at me and I just grab for a plate.

"What is it?" I don't even hide my dissatisfaction coloring my voice as the cheese pizza comes near, though he waits for the supreme.

He places his arm around my chair and comes closer. "What's wrong?" He sounds sincere so I decide to let him off for not telling me he was coming and lean into the chair as he takes over getting me pizza, pulling away.

"I keep getting killed by someone named Tiger and my gun won't shoot right, and honestly, I did not expect that this was going to be how I spent half my day. I should be running lines or practicing a song for the autumn concert."

"What? Laser tag not your style?" He places my plate in front of me and then collects his own.

"Not since 5th grade." He chuckles and returns, as more of the guests start to claim seats. The buzz of chatter surrounds us and Jesse drops the conversation to eat his pizza, gearing up for the next round. "What was your name in the game anyway?" I ask him, knowing that we'd switch names most likely when we went back in. Jesse looked at me like he was surprised I didn't already know- though I did. Jesse never settled for second best. _The prince always gets the crown_. I nodded and he smiled. _Yea, I got the message, show-off._

We all sat around for about an hour and a half and then were ushered back into the waiting room. I choose randomly- it didn't matter what gun I had as long as it wasn't Lily again. _Stupid gun._

The light inside turned green and we were released into the room. What shocked me, besides it being dark again, and my eyes trying to adjust, was that the room had been changed. _I have to find a new hiding spot._

 _*BUZZ* *BUZZ*_ _Are you serious?_ My vest lights up again and I dash forward, climbing up a slope and burrowing against a wall, again. My gun flashes the name of my attacker as I wait for my original color to return. _Who the hell is Tiger?_

My color turns normal and my light dies down and I slowly look over the edge of my wall. _Oh who cares?_ I point my gun and shoot randomly, hopefully getting some points.

I'm here of my own free-will, I should stop pouting like a 5 year old and just let go for a day.

I stand up and run down the slope and to the side, crawling through a hole and making my way to the center of the room... hopefully. I was actually surprised that I hadn't been yet shot. Maybe moving around is key! _*BUZZ* *BUZZ* ...fuck you._ I hate this game. I look at the name again and Tiger pops up again. _Okay, I'm being targeted._

I move away from my spot and run to a corner, up high, far away from Tiger's gun. I sit my gun down next to me and hide. I'll just go home after this game. No reason to waste my day on something that's just not my cup of tea. I hear footsteps trailing up to me and then a chuckle. _Jesse_. I smile up at him.

"Hey." He whispers, sitting down next to me. I move my gun to my other side and he drops his too. "How's it going?"

I lean my head on his shoulder, the padding of the shield scratching my cheek. "I'm going home after this."

"Want me to drive you?" He asks and I think about what'll happen if he does. He'll probably end up coming in and we'll try to study for the first thirty minutes or so until eventually we end up sideways on the couch, stripping clothes and heated breath. I feel my cheeks flush and am thankful for the darkness surrounding us.

"Yes, please." I say, suddenly really wanting to be home. I feel Jesse's hand take mine, clasping it and I wonder if he's thinking the same as me. "Jesse..." it's barely a whisper and his hand is hot on my neck and I'm pulling him forward, too. We're clumsy for a second and then in sync. His lips are soft and little sticky from chapstick and his breath is like pizza but I fall into him even more.

His other hand finds my thigh, grasping it and suddenly I'm not next to him but straddling him, wishing I could rip off the stupid vest and more.. my mind disappears and all I can think of is him.

I feel his hands lift my shirt, pull at my waistband, the leggings giving away naturally. I can feel him beneath me, a hardness I wish I could touch- he must be thinking a bit the same as me because his hand touches a very sensitive spot and I gasp against him, reality rushing back. "Jesse..." I start to pull away, checking the pathway.

We were up on one of the highest pillars, thee were no cameras up high inside as the pamphlet had said, only down below. I heard no footsteps closing in and there was only one way to get to our spot. "Do you not want me to?" He asks, his breath tickling my ear and neck, his lips against my neck, searing me, making me flair up near his hand. I kept feeling turned on by him and honestly I didn't want him to stop... but here?

"No." I whisper back, "keep going." I push myself against his hand, also feeling him down below. "How long are the lights off?"

"Long enough." One of his hands is in my hair, the other wrapped around me, touching me. I want moan and instead I meet his lips, delivering it straight to him. He maneuvers his fingers to have two inside and one pressing down, massaging me. I feel light headed and lean my head down on his shoulder as he works me up. I move my hips, gaining momentum as it builds up inside me. I feel his hand and below that him. His breath is shallow as well even though I'm getting the pleasure.

His hand moves faster on my clit, abandoning the fingers inside. I can tell that time is running out because of how focused his movement becomes. _Oh shit.._ I grasp his shoulder hard and then with my lips on his neck, teeth clenched, I explode.

I fall limp against him, my breath short. He removes his hand and I feel the pulse down low that drives him crazy when he's inside me. _I want him inside_. He shifts me off of him and shifts his jeans, moving himself to be less visible. I really want to do more.

He looks at me, a satisfied feeling radiating from him. "Love you." he whispers, giving me a quick peck on the lips as I regain my mind. He stands and shifts again, not waiting for it to go away. He grabs his gun and makes to leave, glancing back at me. He raises his finger to his lips as if shushing me. I laugh at him and wave him off.

He turns again, looking at me. I tilt my head, my body finally calming down.

 _*BUZZ* *BUZZ*_ I look down at my chest and see the red lights glow. I look back at him, a smile onhis face before he dashes off. _Damn it._ I look down at the name on the gun and see Tiger flashing at me. I look up to see the last of him before he jumps down. _You're kidding me._

I jump up, my legs still a bit weak and the blood rushing through them again. I falter for a second before dashing after him.


	14. Craziness

My days kept to the same routine, dealing with heartbreak- I don't think that if I change anything, it would make it better. Wallowing never helps. I know that first hand, the first couple of days after Finn had dumped me, again. The show was over. Jesse left and then Finn and I barely lasted three months before Finn broke up with me. So now, wallowing and crying was done with. I pulled up my big girl pants and re-adapted to my normal schedule: wake up, elliptical, shower, dress, breakfast shake, grab my keys, and school.

But this morning I was late- I woke up 15 minutes later than normal, probably because my dream was so warm but it left me rushing. By the time I left my house, I barley had 30 minutes to get to school, which would need every minute of the trip. I park in a different spot than usual, and jump out and lock my car when I remember my bag is in there. With a growl, I realize that this is just a bad day. Maybe I should have stayed home- when a day began bad, it usually doesn't get better. I snatch my bag from my car, looping it around my shoulder, rushing to the building, the warning bell echoing around me. _Damn it._ I skip my locker and head straight to class, knowing I had everything I needed anyway.

As I enter the class, I remember I agreed to meet Finn at my locker this morning. While we weren't together, we were still co-captains. _He'll probably think I'm mad at him again._ Sometimes I thought it was cute how insecure he could be around me, but today everything annoys me and it wasn't long before a headache sat in. I slid into my chair and remember I need to take Finn's picture out of my locker still, also remembering what I plastered it on top of. Jesse's picture that was also on top of Finn's picture. I wished he could be as confident as Jesse was, instead of getting mad at me for forgetting to meet up. I wasn't excited to run into him later.

The class passes fast and the bell rings and finally, I got to go to my locker and shove all the books from my bag inside and then rush to English. I was in AP, as with most of my classes but for some reason part of the reading material was Romeo and Juliet. I think the teacher is obsessed, like me and Broadway- but mine is a goal, his is just unhealthy.

He drones and I draw in my note book, he is saying nothing that I don't know and I can see Mercedes nodding off. "Ms. Berry, tell us what you think of Juliet's decision to kill herself." I look up, startled, but quickly recover.

"Her decision? I think it was quite stupid honestly. She was young and in love yes, but if everyone died when their lover died... can't really agree, Sir." I lean forward in my seat, knowing he was going to fight me. I was ready.

"Really? Why?" He inquires, humoring me with his eyebrows raised. I decide I would give him an argument that proved my reasoning.

"Well, how did she know that he really did love her? What if it was all a lie?" I started, my brain working to prove my argument, when Jesse pops into my head. We were classic Romeo and Juliet, huh? He was from a rival team and then betrayed me. I wanted to die of embarrassment. "If he really loved her, he wouldn't have done that, he would have left her alone."

"Alone? But they are meant to be together. They were in love, and, as you kids say: whipped. How is that so horrible?" He fires back, starting to get into the debate. I roll my eyes, at him, at the play, at everything, getting riled up as well.

"Well, first things first- says who? The writer? Shakespeare obviously had no intentions of leaving them together- he killed them and most of the cast, so in what way are they meant to be? If Romeo had stayed away, had left her alone, she could have been with Paris and probably lived a long life, maybe lacking passion or maybe she would grow to love him- we don't know, but most likely, nothing would have harmed her. Romeo wouldn't have turned her world all around, basically- no, seriously, killing her in the end." I fold my arms across my chest, daring him to challenge me.

"But they loved each other- how can one live without passion, Ms. Berry?"

"If Romeo did in fact really love her, he would have stayed far away, because he knew Juliet was trouble yet he still went to her, corrupted her. Let's face it, love is horrible! He would have broken up with her sooner or later probably-"

"Ms. Berry!" The teacher explodes at the front of the room.

"He was poison to a young girl who was easily impressionable- and let's face it, it was lust not love. Love doesn't work in 4 days- you can't fall in love at first sight, its arousal and attraction, lust brewing and dangerous. Juliet didn't die- it was murder." I found myself standing up and challenging the teacher, who had gone red in the face. I clear my throat and rub my hands against my skirt. "Just answering your question." I slid back in my desk and went back to doodling in my notebook. This day couldn't get any better. The rest of the hours pass in a blur after that as lunch time came around.

I walk into the lunch room and decide that I wasn't hungry- but I also don't want to face Mercedes yet. She was present for my outburst in class and I knew she would question me in Glee anyway, so avoided the Glee table's sight and went to the bleachers, instead. The air was cold and turned my cheeks reds red, probably- but I didn't turn it away. I didn't mind the cold wind today- cooling me down. Everything was getting worse and I felt like I was falling into a pit of snakes.

Footsteps came up the bleachers and I note that it is Finn. He sits behind me, instead of beside me. The silence was comfortable but then he opens his mouth. I was certainly on edge today.

"Did I piss you off, again?" he asks, his voice sounding strained. I sigh at his self-consciousness, even though I know I was self-conscious a lot, it just didn't make sense for the football captain to be. It was a prejudice, sure, but he literally had girls falling at his feet and boys wishing to be him.

"I woke up late, Finn. I'm not mad at you." I say as I began to stand for the walk back to the school. Lunch has 5 minutes left.

I walk past his seat and feel his fingers, large and gruff, close over my wrist. I don't yell at him or shake him off, I look back at him. "Could we start over?" he asks me in a small voice, smaller than I've ever heard him. He is putting his pride on the line. Because that's the price of dating me: his pride.

"Let's not do this today." I reply, genuinely not wanting to talk about it. My head hurt and today was no good. "We can't forget what happened, it will always be there."

He sighs deeply, letting me go. I turn toward him, wanting to wrap my arms around him but I don't. Those are feelings that I can no longer feel. "Finn, when you broke up with me, I couldn't stop crying. But now, I finally stopped." I said, shrugging my shoulders, trying to get him to understand me but of course, he didn't.

"What does that mean?" his voice laced with confusion that mirrors his expression.

"It means that you aren't my Romeo, you're my Paris." I say, walking away from him.

The heat of the school warms me up as I head to my locker. I need to get the science book out because of lab day. A piece of paper flutters out and falls to the ground and I stomp down so it won't go anywhere, finishing switching my binders and folders. I close my locker, and bend down to retrieve the paper. I really want to unfold it here but decide to wait until I am in class.

I put my stuff on my desk and take out the slip as I sit down. It could have come from Finn, who put it in my locker before lunch, thinking I'd take him back. Or even Santana, Quinn, probably not Brittany, just to insult me. I open it: **VA Auditorium. 5:00. Come alone.** It falls from my hands, I sit there confused, until someone bends down to pick it up, and once more I stomp my foot on it, looking up to see Finn standing with his permanent confused expression.

"What is it?" he asks, pointing to my shoe.

"A simple scrap of paper," I reply, using my best acting to sound nonchalant. He nods and goes to his desk. I breathe out and then pick it back up, stuffing it inside my pocket. Was it already that time of the year again? Scare tactic to ruffle the rival teams. Vocal adrenaline is at it again it seems.

Mercedes stops me outside of Glee. Her look was like a mother to child, refusing to budge until the truth falls. I take her arm, and lead her into the room, to the back of the class. I sit down and sigh. She sits beside me, waiting for my explanation, but I just sit. "Okay, Rach. Something is up, you never pass up a chance to talk about yourself," she says looking at me. I hand her my slip of paper and her hand flies up to her mouth, eyes wide as she reads it over. Her eyes shifting back and forth and then the annoyance leaks in, "not this stuff again? Who gave it to you?" she asks, looking at me.

"I found it in my locker," I say with a shrug.

"Are you going?"

"Yes," I said taking the slip back and putting it into my binder.

"Why? What if they try to funkify you?" she asks, trying to put reason into my head.

"Cedes, I have thought about this over and over again. They have no reason to. They aren't in our competition circle. Plus, I'm curious," I add, finally looking at her, "aren't you?"

"Curiosity killed the cat," she shoots back.

"Satisfaction brought it back." I say icily. A hand lays on my arm and I look up, her green eyes burning into mine.

"Can I go with you?" I nod my head. If I was going onto their turf, I want it to be by my rules, but I also knew there was a reason for the need for such secrecy.

"I don't know, Rach." Cedes says, trying to dissuade Quinn and I from going.

"Trust me; I know how these people play. Plus, I have a plan." I said in all confidence. I wasn't the girl they last saw throwing insults over their shoulders with me covered in egg anymore. I know saw how cruel people could be.

Quinn climbs into my range rover without me inviting her in but, oh well. We take my car because we know it will blend in. New Direction don't understand why I got one, but they don't need to- it's not their car. The drive takes an hour but we arrive and begin the infiltration, if you can call it that. We were invited, well I was. Finding the auditorium is easy for me, I've been here. Quinn eyes me, not knowing that I have been here before, but again, she doesn't need to know. My life and hers are not close enough to be considered friends.

We come to the double doors and I open one quietly and wave her up the stairs that lead to the balcony area of the auditorium. Theirs is quite bigger than ours, their whole school is larger. I walk down the aisle until I get to the bars, standing clear in view, not caring, but Quinn sits down in the shadows. I see Vocal Adrenaline gathered at the bottom, Sunshine's talking.

"You shouldn't have done this!" she whines and I get curious. Maybe it's because this day royally sucks and I'm just done, or maybe it's because I'm genuinely curious, but I lean on the bar, staring at them, wondering if they'll notice me, putting myself so far out there, even Quinn chides me.

"Listen, Sunny," a girl says, sneering, "She's better than you and with what we did to her, she could end you worse than sending you to a freaking crack house!" I remember her now, Andrea. The lead, well, probably ex-lead, now that Sunshine is here.

"Well, I'm the lead and who sends somebody to a Crack House?" Sunshine whines again. I grimace at the memory, not one of my best moments.

"It was dormant!" another chimes in, out of sight. "I can't believe she's late. Rachel is never late," a guy voice says, it was strangely familiar.

"Maybe she was too scared to come?" Sunshine says and I feel a bit offended.

"Can you shut up?" Andrea whirls on her.

I look back at Quinn, away from the fighting downstairs, "Should I go in?" I ask her, raising my eyebrow. She shrugs in response. I look back down then, waiting some more. I don't know what this was about, but being called her puts me on my toes. I don't have business with them anymore, now that my only connection has left town- there is no reason to call me out. I'm about to descend the stair case when the argument continues.

"She was naïve then, now she couldn't be." I realized that I had missed a part of the conversation. "It had to have taught her something." Andrea spits at Sunshine.

"I actually do know that she is more cunning and ruthless than what she appears like in those awful outfits. I mean, look at what she did to Sunshine. That was total Vocal Adrenaline." I don't know why but I felt a surge of pride and at the same time insulted- what was wrong with my outfits? Quinn chuckles behind me and I turn a glare her way and suddenly I feel like me again, I finally stand taller and don't feel like a mess.

"Umm, Andrea . . . ? Guys?" Sunshine squeaks, looking up at me. I stare back, my best show face on, not a happy one either. I feel pride surge through me, my eyes hardened, and my face set. I wasn't going to cower in front of this group again. I proved to them why New Direction was better, and maybe I was in my own personal funk right now. Maybe I was hurting more from my break up than I thought, but that isn't a part of this. This is separate, this is about me and Vocal Adrenaline, about returning what I've received. I am not the girl who was egged and I am not the girl beat them onstage. I am Rachel Berry and I will not be had.

"What, Sunny?" A guy answers and I suddenly remember that voice that is so familiar. I want to shake, in fear, in anticipation but I don't. Even if it sends a surge of something through me. I won't give in. I won't. I feel beside me suddenly- they were somewhat friends, even she should know his voice. I felt tethered suddenly, but I want to refuse it. He was not my Romeo. He was nothing.

Andrea turns to look at her and then turns to look at me. Others follow her, but not him, he stays in his own shadows. Some members gasp at my theatrical entrance and probably at the fact that I even showed up.

Andrea smiles and starts talking, "You could join us."

"Dramatic entrances are kind of my thing," I finally let my voice ring out, "and so are exits," I say, tapping my finger to my chin, letting them know I would walk out at any time, "so what do want?" I get to the point quickly. Vocal Adrenaline was a competitive place, hard to survive if you weren't willing to cut some throats, New Direction was the opposite, all about hand holding and acceptance, well, some-what. I'm somewhere in the middle of both. I'm competitive enough to send Sunshine to a crack house, and yet soft enough to apologize and feel bad.

I eye the members below my feet, "one, two..." I count aloud, pointing along at Sunshine and Andrea, then nothing. I cock my head to the side. Here you have to be cold, unreasonable. I know how to survive in this tundra. I know how to be mean and how to work the crowd- maybe it's because I can feel heartbreak inside me as I wait for him to stand up, for him to come into my view. I want to see him too- as much as I hate it. I can hate myself- I already do. It's how I can fit in here, better that at my Glee Club and I hate that. These are my enemies, I remind myself.

Andrea looks ahead of herself, catching onto what I am getting at. "Never mind about him, we have something to ask you. Come down here." Andrea says. I look at them skeptically, to curious to stay up in the balcony any longer. I turn and nod to Quinn, who takes out her phone, to record. I take my time going back down the stairs, taking minute for myself. He's here. Jesse is here, waiting just around the corner. I don't know why he is here- he should be in sunny California, bathing in the sun with pretty girls. I place my hand over my heart, slowing my breathing and waiting for the pattering to stop.

I have to calm down if I'm to beat them at their own game, and then I grin. I leave the auditorium, going through the hallways. I have to win, right? I open the practice room door, where all their backpacks are piled up and then through another, entering the backstage and then through the curtains, and I'm sitting on stage, waiting for them to realize I'm not the girl that got pelted with eggs. I'm above them. I know more theatrics than the Great Barbra thanks to these people. I will win today.

They keep looking at doors, not even noticing me, but still waiting for me to enter. I meet his eyes though and he's grinning at me, his eyes knowing. He tilts his head, looking at me with this feeling... I don't want this. My heart races again and I can feel my cheeks flush- it's just the lights- you need sunscreen up here, remember? I close my eyes and breathe. I have to keep my wits. I hear Sunshine startle and I open my eyes, staring her down. "So what do you want?"

They all turn around at my voice, Andrea laughs, understandingly, though what she understands about me, I don't know. This is all a mask- I'm not this cold person, though I can be her. "We need you," I wonder how much that sentence kills her. "Sunny isn't cutting the job and Goldsby doesn't like my voice, but our assistant director wants you."

"It seems everyone is wanting me nowadays." I fake and raise my eyebrows, unimpressed. They all look at one another, waiting for an explanation I won't give. I'm tired suddenly of being this hateful girl and all I want is to slip into comfy clothes and watch a long marathon of something mind-numbing- but I have to win, for New Direction.

I look behind them, to him sitting in the chairs, waiting for me to slip so he can take me back- but he's too late, there's nothing here. Ugh, I'm so confused today. I stand up, going to the stairs to leave, my show face faltered and he saw it. I had imagined a lot of different scenarios, but nothing compares to the real thing. His hair is the same, still dresses in black, the signature smirk and all. He knows I'm bolting and slides into the aisle to stop me. He is so close now, standing her and I'm here and he smells good, familiar, like coffee and sweat which seem like a horrible combination but it's not. I hate him.

"I think it's time we explain." He says, looking at me.

"Oh, trust me, I think I've put it together." I respond, ice coating my voice. Quinn appears behind him and jingles my keys. I nod, rubbing my temples. I'm so out of character. "I'm sure I can get a ride home." I say and while others are confuse, we three aren't. No one else matters right now and I look straight at Jesse.

"Where's the trust, Berry?" He says his smirk not reaching his eyes as Quinn backs out, knowing this personal moment isn't for anyone's eyes. He shoos the rest of the team, and I hear their footsteps retreating. I can finally drop all pretense and now I'm just tired.

"Trust? Who? You? The people who egged me or the jerk who broke my heart? I know you guys want something, most likely me, leaving New Direction and Finn," He glares down now, "and coming here, right? Is your title in jeopardy?"

"Yes." He says it simply.

"I don't want to." I walk past him and outside the auditorium, I start to shake. I hear the door open behind me.

"I'll take you home."

We walk to his car in silence. He opens the door for me and even though I fight it, a part of me is happy to see him. It wants to relax in his presence and cave to him- maybe not switching schools but just him. "So, you want me on Vocal Adrenaline." I say when he settles in and turns on the car. He nods. "That's going to be a problem- I have friends in New Directions, we are in the competition, and we won't fail out this time." I said with reason in my voice.

He shakes his head, "You look at it as what you're leaving, but look at it as what you're gaining." Jesse says, focusing on backing out of the lot.

"Okay, what would I gain? Let me think," I say, "No bullying, but what else?" I shrug.

"You'd be the lead, talent appreciated, no bullying, and no name calling, friends who are like you and love some competition," He replies.

"Your offer is seriously _tempting_ ," I say with zero feeling, "but I have to get New Directions past Regional's. They need me more." I look at Jesse, I don't know how it happened but I knew I would forgive him; he was like me. I lean my head back and stare up, then surprise. "These are still around." I wonder at the two gold stars stuck to his roof. "It was supposed to represent you and me, on the top of the world," I say in a small voice.

"I couldn't bear to take them off, it was a piece of you that could keep, without being criticized about going soft," he replies. I raise my hand and brush my fingers over them.

"How can you be co-coach if your college is out of state?" I ask looking at him. His jaw tightens, the hand that was on the steering tightens, and his voice is very controlled.

"I flunked out." I gasp and look at him, without thinking I grab his hand resting on the console. Some things are hard to break. I knew, in his family, how it must be if he flunked out. His dad must be furious and his mom...

"Jesse..." I trail off, not knowing what to say. He holds my hand in return, squeezing it for reassurance. "I forgive you," I don't know if I really do, but it's a ll I can think of to say.

"You shouldn't, you don't know the whole story," With a sad gleam in his eye, he looks at me for a moment.

"From what I gather you and Shelby were at Sectionals, you basically told me you were, there in the music store, and with Shelby wanting to meet me it was the perfect dramatic setup. Then from there you started "The Acting Exercise." We had good times, but we both knew I was hung up on Finn and you were hung up on yourself- I mean, your talent," he laughs, "so you switched schools, your team thinking you did this because you loved me, Shelby knowing you did because it was all part of a master plan. I guess everything got all mixed up at the "Run, Joey, Run" fiasco. You left, I was heartbroken, because, though you might not want to hear it, I loved you. So at this point we have a distraught damsel, an egotistical confused boy, a boy who wants his ex back, and a waiting mother. Have I missed anything yet?" I ask looking over at him, his eyes were wide, but he reclaimed his composure and shook his head.

We were at my house now, but I nod and continue explaining the whole story, which, though I hate, I understand, "Okay, so you comeback, wanting to finish this," I gesture between us, "because you feel you're starting to be the role, not the actor. You felt jealous at the RJR Fiasco and now you want it over with because, well, you are Jesse St. James," I smirk, "anyway, you return, the heartbroken damsel is healed and happy with her prince, but Shelby is also hurrying you, so you put down the plan, slip the tape into the box, force me to listen, and then we sneak into rehearsal, me just wrapping your plan up and making it less work for you. Now all that's left is for you to tie up 2 more loose ends: New Directions and me. So you perform with VA, basically throwing our relationship away, but I don't think VA bought it. So now you have to sell the entire performance. But you're not the actor anymore, you are the role. But that doesn't mean anything to your team, so you egged me. The End." I'm still staring at him, but my eyes lost focus, I have to adjust my vision to look at him properly again. His eyes harbored pain, resentment, loathing, regret, and love.

"Come eat dinner." I say as I get out of his car. He hesitates, "We have to start from somewhere. I get what and why you did what you did. I don't like it- I don't even know if I like you, to be honest," He nods, "but I don't want it like that, so come eat."

"You're wrong about one part," He stops me on the porch as I reach for the door, "I still love you." I don't know how to reply to that so I just walk inside. All the lights are off and I know, they left again. Dads have gone away. I slip off my shoes and walk into the kitchen where a note rest by the plate of fake fruit.

 _Gone on Caribbean Cruise, money in the drawer, love you!_ , yeah... love you guys too.

I sit on the stool by the counter. Since I became old enough to take care of myself, Dads have been leaving on trips and tours around the world. They don't bother to ask me about it or how it makes me feel. This time they'll be gone for 6 weeks. Most girls would dream this. Alone with a guy they are attracted to, with no chance of interruption, but for me- this is hell. My Dads leave and I'm just supposed to take care of myself, not caring. I lay my head in my hands, feeling his hand on my back.

"My own Dads don't even want to see me- why would Vocal Adrenaline want me?" I know I'm whining but how can I not? I won't let people see me weak and cry, not usually- but Jesse isn't other people, he's just like me.

"I know your worried about the offer and all the," I'm actually not, "but lets not focus on it, okay? I'll cook us dinner and we can watch a movie- like old times?" I laugh with no emotion but I don't stop him.

I wake up against Jesse's chest, laid out on the couch on top of him, his arms around me. It's still dark outside but the movie has stopped playing. If my dads walked in- oh yea, they're gone. I don't shift or move. His chest rises and falls and there is so much comfort in it. I missed him. I close my eyes again, trying to push it all away except him. I can do that right? I can do that and still be a good member- I'm not betraying anyone, right? "Are you going to wake up?" He mumbles, voice full of sleep. His hand finds my hair, pushing it out of his face and the playing with it like I like.

I shake my head and nuzzle deeper. "I don't want to." His chest rumbles with a chuckle and he flips us so I'm laying beside him, instead of on him.

"You're heavy, Berry." I shrug, not bothering to open my eyes. "Why don't you respond?" he questions me. I look up at him, his blue eyes concerned, "Are you okay, Rach?"

"I don't know how I would leave them. What would I say, do? I finally have friends." I say- what am I thinking? I'm against this one hundred percent, but I'm tired of being alone. He sits up, running a hand through his hair that has gone flat during the night.

"What? Rach- what?" He's completely confused.

"I don't want to be alone anymore, Jesse." I look at him- we're both alone, huh?

"Well, if they are the friends they claim to be then they will forgive you." He replies, reason going through his head- he knows he can't mess this up- but there's something else, a desire. I wonder if it's purely me?

"Yeah, but Kurt transferred for safety, they would see my transfer as everything else I do: For me, myself, and I."I sighed and curl into him.

"Then they aren't your friends." He wraps his arms around me. "Here's what I can promise, Rach. I will help you, I will be here, and I won't leave you." I nod at his determined words. Just wanting him to stay with me.

"Can we go back? Back to our old relationship? But this time let it be real, no false pretenses?" I asked my voice strong, but I am weak. I can't do this anymore- I need him beside me again. Finn always looked down on me, seeing me as his girlfriend at the cost of everything else, but when Jesse looks at me, it's like he sees just me, strange outfits and all, though I really don't see whats wrong with my clothes. He looks at me but doesn't reply, just pulling me back into him.

"Take it slow, Rach. I feel like I just pulled you back from a cliff." Maybe he did, but I don't say that.

I wake up at my usual time, just because I decided to open a new chapter with Jesse doesn't mean my schedule should change. So I change in to exercise clothes and start up my day.

Jesse is still asleep when I come back down the stairs, our late night talk taking most of his energy plus the practice with Vocal Adrenaline. I look at him and smile before heading to the kitchen for my shake and making Jesse some coffee.

My phone goes off on the counter and I rush to shush it, hitting answer without even checking it. I place my ear to it, putting coffee grounds in the filter. "Hello?" My voice is hushed.

"We need to figure out the songs for Regional's. Have you written any?" The voice on the other end asks, not wasting anytime.

"I have one, I'm working on another," I say moving to sit down in a chair at the bar.

"Are they good, or do they suck?" He sounds wary.

"I think they are spectacular."

"Listen, you want me to pick you up? Quinn said she had your Rover?" I startle, does he know Jesse took me home? Will New Direction rise up against me again?

"That would be very sweet, but no thank you." I say, "I'll see you at school." I hang up and Jesse wanders into the kitchen, an arm find me, his lips placing a peck on my head.

"Who was that?" He asks, staring at the coffee dripping, moving around me.

"Finn. He wants the songs I'm writing," I place my smoothie on the counter as Jesse pours himself coffee- I don't get how he drinks it black. "Can you drive me?" He bobs his head in assurance and I grin. _I shouldn't get used to this._

Jesse pulls into McKinley's parking lot and I see Finn standing by his truck. "Why isn't he inside? It's freezing." I ask absently to no one.

"Probably waiting for you." Jesse grits his teeth together. _Huh._ He pulls up, next to the curb, and turns to me. "See you later?" He asks and I nod.

It's Saturday and Glee club has to practice and since I'm captain, I definitely have to be present, "I'll be free after 2:30." I stare at Jesse for a moment, not sure if I should kiss him or not. He didn't reply when I asked to get back together though I feel a lot better now, I still want him by my side. Instead, I kiss his cheek and leave it at that. I hop out and wave goodbye and he drives off.

"I thought Quinn had your Rover?" Finn calls to me as he realizes my existence on the cub of the school.

"She does. See?" I assure as I point to my Rover pulling into the school parking lot, the blonde heading the wheel.

"Whose car was that, then?" He waves after it as I barely see it on the hill. I avoid the question by walking over to Quinn to retrieve my keys. She looks at me, wondering how it went last night but I just smile, holding out my hands. We walk past Finn together, though silence covers us like the snow on the ground.

"Hey, whose Rover was that?" He asks me, chasing us down. "I know it's not your dads, so whose car was it?" He keeps going.

"Finn, chill out. I'm not you're girlfriend anymore, so don't worry." Quinn smirks, not needing to know anymore now.

"Mr. Shue!" I call out as my hand shoots into the air. He snaps his head back to look at me.

"Yes, Rachel?" He asks.

"I was wondering, before you announce the songs for finals, if I could make an announcement." I ask. He rubs his hand on back of his neck and then waves me forward. I stand in front of them, wondering if this is the right decision. "Yesterday, I got a message from Carmel High, asking to meet." I watch their reactions and continue on, "It seems that their current member line up isn't working and they decided to offer me a position if I switch schools." I tell them, even Quinn looks shocked. Then riots. Finn stands up and so does Kurt, both yelling at me for being stupid enough to go. Mercedes turns on Quinn, asking her if it was true. The others reacting their own way but Mr. Shue stares at me.

"And so?" He asks, "are you going?" Everyone shuts up and turns, staring me down, wondering if I'll leave them. How do I answer when I don't even have one.

"Tell them the rest, Rachel," Quinn pipes up, staring me down.

I know what she wants me to say and I do, "Jesse is leading them now."

"That's who dropped you off!" Finn's eyes shine with recognition. "You know we can't condone this!" He yells, "You've been through this once- are you that stupid?" He sneers- jealousy pilling up on his shoulders, turning him green.

"I don't believe that my relationship has anything to do with the Glee club or yourself." I say, my voice small. This is what I was afraid of. I glare at Quinn.

"If you haven't forgotten your my girlfriend-"

"I'm you ex-girlfriend and I can my own choice whether it's staying here or leaving." I bristle, this is exactly it- this commanding atmosphere like Glee Club is my be-all and end-all, like my life doesn't exist without it. Like I'm owned by this. My goal is to be on stage but at the cost of needy, teenagers asking for me to devote my life to a club that I'll be in for another year before graduation, when they live theirs?

"You got fooled by the player- the traitor, and now look." Finn says, heading this ridiculous campaign.

Quinn speaks up, eyes boring into mine, "Listen closely to how this story ends, Rachel: you will be left heartbroken again, the only difference is whether eggs are involved or not."

I nod my head, and they settle but I can't lose like this, I won't be beaten down again, "You guys talk as if I'm am replaceable but yet demand me to give myself completely to Glee Club like its the only thing keeping us afloat." They glare at me, "As a lot of you claim, I'm not the champion of this club: I quit." I grab my purse and walk away, silence echoing all around me. No one pulls me back or chases me down, even though some think it's the end if I leave, they won't admit they need the girl who won't bow down. _I won't bow down._

"So, what now?" Jesse asks me, brushing my hair out of my face. We lay out on the couch, my laying on his lap, facing the TV as Newsies play.

"Well, they usually start begging me to come back a day after I quit but I might just transfer," I explain, I can tell he thinks it was his fault. "You know that this fight has been building up right? None of what happened today is your fault." I push myself up to look at him but his eyes are stormy, "Hey, drama prince," I say, reaching my hand up to make him look at me but he stands up, walking away toward the kitchen. I watch him as he carves a path, paceing around.

He turns with a fire burning up his eyes, "Why do you let them be like that? That's your club- you should fight back!" He insists and I laugh, stopping his rant before it can even start.

"Do you remember lectures in history back in junior high?" I ask him, "we were taught about how people started making colonies, steering their ships toward America, Canada, and Mexico but it took a long time- like months and years." He stares me down, "and so to keep the crew from rioting, from taking control the captains forged dates, making it look like the voyage took less than the actual time, but some captain weren't luck, they crew didn't see eye to eye or maybe some were smart enough to figure it out and the captains were cast aside."

"Mutiny," he whispers.

"Glee club isn't a ship but it can certainly seem like one and Finn turned them all against me when he realized I wasn't going back to him. I left a place I'm not wanted- is glee club my pride? Yes, of course. I crafted that club from the ground up- I made it what it was with the help of my members but they don't want me and I don't want to stay in a place that wants to suffocate me." We stop the conversation there, him calming down after realizing what the situation was- I wasn't running, but being pushed out and I wasn't going to him because he was there, but because I want him here.

He slides into bed around 11, content just staying with me while my Dads are gone. He says his parents aren't excited about his presence right now and it's probably better that he stay away. I feel bad when he says that. I know his mom loves him and babies him to death, for her to ignore him... I bet her heart is hurting too, but I let him stay with me- I needed him too.

Nationals are over and so is my stint at McKinley, it looks like. So, I went back to the club because I knew I couldn't let it fail when I was so close. It wasn't for my members, it was because I treasured what I made and yet, I would be making it fall- not my group though, _theirs_. Now it's me, running out of the green room and into Jesse's waiting arms.

I squeal as he spins me around, clinging to his neck for dear life as my stomach made flips. I don't know when we became official. We never changed our Facebook but he's been with me every night for the last month, Dads are coming home soon and then he'll leave but maybe I'll be with him, too, at Carmel. He has been updating them about my decision as time passes and Goldsby is over the moon, ready to make me his little star.

"You finally did it." He says as he sits me down on my feet, I give him a weird look, "You found it. The pain and put it into words, you're a songwriter now." He kisses my forehead, always my head, never my lips. Though we are dating, his pact to take it slow hasn't changed. "I knew you could do it." He pulls me in close, his scent calming my beating heart, still racing from the performance.

Quinn clears her throat behind us and then asks to speak to Jesse for a minute. I raise my eyebrows at him but don't move to stop him. As they talk, Finn comes up to me, his head bent.

"I'm sorry, Rach." He apologizing for the first time since the auditorium.

"For?" I prod.

"For being a jerk. I just... I didn't want to see you hurt or with someone else. I kinda love you, you know?" I nod, understanding what he is saying. We walk away from Jesse and Quinn to have our own conversation.

"I get that I hurt you with Jesse, but I'm happy now, Finn. That song was thanks to him. He's the reason the club move forward." I choose my words carefully, because I don't know if I'll be with them when it does. Finn nods along and then cracks a joke and I feel a friendship return. Not what it once was, it can't ever be that again. I didn't feel the love that he hangs onto but I let go of the hate. I can't keep that next to my heart if I want to move forward or I'll never let them go.

I part ways with Finn when Kurt comes to fetch him, he glares at me- still not over the fact that I refused to break up with Jesse. Quinn and Jesse are still deep in their conversation and I don't mean to do it, but I hide, curious.

"That doesn't make me feel any better." He scoffs, looking straight at her.

"Not my concern. You know there will always be that," _be what? What are they talking about?_ "They're best friends; he was who she turned to before you. We can't undo that. If they're meant to be in the end, we won't be able to stop it." Quinn finishes taking a swig of her water, hiding disappointment in her eyes.

"I will be with her," Jesse looks away from her, toward the hall I disappeared down, "and you'll be with whoever you can control." I bite back a laugh.

"Rachel isn't that bad, well, not when you're trying to knock sense into her head." She replies, though I don't know why.

"So are you two friends, now?" I hear him ask her and decide to make myself known- I shouldn't be doing this. I walk over to them and link my hands though his arm.

"Friends? Not quite." I laugh, "but I don't hate her." I offer a smile of friendship and Quinn doesn't respond.

"We're cool," she says as Jesse notices me eyeing his water, handing it over to me.

"Was it all that talking?" I grin at his joke and Quinn walks away.

"Not quite, mostly the singing," I reply, finishing with a refreshing sigh.

"Mom?" I said over the phone, Jesse's eyes were glued to me like a hawk. We sat in my kitchen, days left before my Dads came home.

"Rachel?" Her voice was surprised and I heard crying in the background. _Beth_. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, waiting for the nerves to pass. Yes, she has a new daughter, but maybe she wants me too. "I have been trying to reach you," Her voice is breathless and I hope it's for me and not because she's exhausted. Jesse squeezes my thigh hoping that I'm not going overboard.

"I know. Can I come over?" I ask, hoping I wasn't setting myself up for rejection.

"What's wrong?" She asks me and I think for the first time, I feel the warmth of motherly concern.

I break down right there, crying so much Jesse has to take the phone and explain what has happened.

The next day, I find myself at school, turning in paperwork, Mom talks to the principle as I sit with Beth. It's a bit strange that my new sister is my club-mates daughter and that soon, I'll be living with her. She coos as the toys on her seat swing back and forth. Mom comes out and we leave, all finished.

Instead of following them outside though, I ask her to wait and try my chances.

"Mr. Shue?" I say, knocking on his office door. He looks up from the paper he was grading, tiredness written all over his face.

"Come on in, Rachel. How can I help you?" He puts the papers to the side and folded his hands together, looking every bit of a teacher. He smiles at me as I take the seat across from him.

"I have something to tell you." I say, as I hold my head high.

"Guys, we have some sad but important news." Mr. Shue stands at the front of the room, after messaging all the members to the school. Mom left, to go put Beth down for her nap, Jesse would pick me up soon enough. "Rachel has decided to transfer schools to live with her mother." I feel the looks on me and Mr. Shue continues on and eventually wraps it up, "so, Rachel?" I take the space he occupied and look out at my fellow members.

"I'm sorry to leave right after we won, but I feel this is the right move for me now." I say, confident. No one raised their voice at me, no one fought me. It was strange but there was mutual understanding. We all sat around and talked and sang, saying goodbye to me.

Jesse arrives to pick me up and I go willingly. "See you all at Regionals." I quip, letting my voice get competitive, installing a new rivalry. They all react in kind and we share laughs and then I leave, but not on bad terms.


	15. We Have to Let Each Other Go

The piano keys dipped under the pressure of my fingers, the notes sliding out of it like magic. I remember sitting here, a year ago or so now, with Jesse beside me, messing with me as I practiced, bumping me with his shoulder, peppering me with kisses. _Ugh!_ I slam my hands down on the keys creating a terrible sound that echoes around me.

I lean back, letting out a deep breath. What is wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking of him anymore. He was gone. I chose Finn in New York. Finn... but Jesse, after the show, his eyes, that look.

 _No._ I breathe deep again, returning my fingers to the keys, letting the somber song reach out. I hum along, testing my finesse with the piano. When I'm ready, I let the first word of the lyrics roll off my tongue but the focus is ruined by my boyfriend, shouting out through the auditorium. _Damn it._ The mood of the song floats away from me, disappearing with my concentration.

I look up, seeing Finn head down the stairs and I see Jesse for a moment, heading down, singing with me, I smile and when I realize what is going on, where my mind is heading, I slip a mask over my face, a neutral expression, a show face, as he comes to stand by the piano. They don't even look alike- the only thing they have in common is their determination.

"What's up?" He asks me, leaning on the instrument, looking around. I think the answer is obvious but I answer it just the same.

"Practicing for club," I say it as sweetly as I can- actually a bit annoyed that he interrupted me. Doesn't he know that practice is a sacred time between the artist and their work?

The annoyance did go away a little as he went for my song book, "What song?" Looking interested, he flips through it. I borrowed it from the music center in town- where I met Jesse. I flick the memory away mentally. Finn makes me happy, is currently making me happy taking an interest in my interest.

"It's the one by Adele." I say and inwardly frown as his face folds in confusion, "You know, _we could have had it all..._ " I trail off, and it's like the light bulb in his brain turned back on.

"Oh, her- yeah, I know her." He chuckles to himself, flipping through the pages. "Are you going to sing that one?" I don't know what about that question hurt me, but I didn't like it. He didn't even know- there is no way he'd be taunting me.

"No," I snap, not angry at him, but at myself. It was like he broke into my head for a second. He doesn't notice my discomfort though.

"Do you want me to help you practice anyway?" He asks, looking hopeful, wanting to spend some time with me, but I have bigger fish to fry.

"Actually, I was just finishing up." I grab the book out of his hands and stuff it inside my bag, zipping it up "Quinn and I have a mission tonight." Finn trails slowly after me, his gait is bigger than mine, so it's probably tiresome to be stuck behind me. I turn to look at him. He drags his palm along the back of his neck, his face sheepish, sad. "See you tomorrow?" I ask, reaching up and he automatically bends down as I place a kiss on cheek before he tries to kiss my lips.

"Quinn!" I holler as she comes around the corner, "Time to go snooping," I giggle and a smile appears on her face. We arrive at her car quickly, both of us excited to spy on our competition and see what they had in store. "Thanks for coming with me, Quinn," I say as we hop in. It comes to life when Quinn turns the key.

"Well it wasn't as if I had that much of a choice." She says, fiddling with the radio. I want to laugh, but I know it's true. Quinn and I aren't exactly friends but we are also no longer enemies. Between passing Finn back and forth like a football, and fighting each other for lead spot, it was hard not to get close and get past our past. We decided to put it all behind us and focus on the future and the present. We were part of the same club, we shouldn't fight, but still, we aren't friends and there is still a rivalry between us, but it's a healthy one.

"If I ask or tell you things in confidence, you'd be hush-hush, right?" I ask and though she nods, she doesn't hide the wary look on her face. "I'm having second thoughts about Finn." I say, staring at her, ready to gauge her reaction the second she hears me. She's not surprised and I even see a smirk play on her lips, I go on. "I slept with him, with Finn." Her eyes go a little wide, not even she got that far. "But he is planning a life in Lima with me in it, not thinking about my plans at all," I let out a big sigh, wondering if she'll laugh at me, her mean side not staying dormant at the peace we had established. I look away just to find myself looking at her again. She bites her lip and I can tell she's thinking. Of ways to destroy me or win Finn back or actually help me, I don't know, but I rattle on, "It's not like I went into this without knowing where his thoughts would go, I just though our love would be enough- you know, we love each other a lot, but now, when I look at him or her him talk, especially about after graduation and he's just focusing on Lima, he wants us to go to the local college together, become coach,for glee and football respectfully." I lay my head back, "but I don't want that and I don't know how to just let myself go around him anymore."

"Well, maybe you should break up." I gape at her. _Of course she wouldn't actually help me._ Quinn shakes her head, like she knows what I'm thinking, "He doesn't get your interests and you hate football." I'm ready to tell her opposites attract, but she continues, "In five years down the line, will you be happy if you stay here with him, or are you going to miserable?""I never—" I protest her, but she cuts me off, not even listening to me.

"Just because you slept together doesn't mean you have to end up together. You don't have to stay with him out of pity." She's not being mean, I can see that she is trying to help me face the problem, in her own unabashed way but I don't want to hurt him. "All love comes with pain, trust me on that." She would know, with the whole baby-gate and everything, "but if you want something more, if you know something better out there suits you, don't hesitate. It's your life, Rachel, and only you suffer the consequences."

Quinn turns up the radio, ending the conversation to let us both have some time with our thoughts.

We pull into the parking lot and weave our way through the corridors, making our way to the back seats of the auditorium, hiding in the shadows. We couldn't see the director but the choir group was almost flawless. I could see the hole Jesse left, though. The male lead was off a beat at one point and it looked like Giselle wanted to take his head. We knew that the Vocal Adrenaline director was a complete hard-ass, which was how they won, they made the choices easy and didn't give their students a voice. They knew how to win, it was admirable but I bet some of the student had to be jealous.

"Guys! Stop trying to do whatever it is you are trying to do!" A voice calls from the teacher's pit and it is so achingly familiar, I feel it rattle me. It's an automatic feeling, the felling of wanting to leap up and run away from here, before it tempts me any further. His voice that I hear in my dreams- I felt my world go black. Quinn looks at me, her eyes wondrous, _she knows about my obsession, doesn't she?_ She knows why I suddenly doubt my love for Finn. I stand, fully intending to walk away, to wait in the cold for Quinn to finish the mission, but again, his voice rings through me. "Do I need to show you how to do a ballad?" He calls out and all of kids quickly nod, ready to give up their stage to see him in action. _Who wouldn't?_ He commands a stage like no other guy I know.

They don't wait to run down the steps, quickly filing into the rows, grabbing the perfect seats to see his flawless performance, because that's what he'll deliver. He stands and shrugs off his jacket, leaving it on his chair and then already issuing a commanding aura, takes the stage. Standing under the lights, they illuminate every part of him. Even from here I can see the raw feelings in his eyes, the tremor in arms as he shakes off any hanging nerves. _Can he see me?_ He walks to the piano on stage. Every ballad seems to need a piano. His demeanor changes completely, from a coach showing off to a broken man, broken by love.

When his fingers start, coaxing out the melodies, a hush falls over us all. It's just the start and yet my voice is itching to be set free, to join him on that stage, to share a stage with him. But that feeling is nothing, that I can control. I won't do it, not with him, _I can't_. I think that so hard it shakes me. But then his voice slips in to the soft cords. He fathers them but he's under its control. _"It's easy to fall in love but it's so hard to break somebody's heart,_ " His voice floats over the whole place, like coffee in the mornings, waking us up and calming us all into submission.

He surprises me every time, his voice folding itself into my heart again. It's a voice I hadn't realized I had been missing, needing.

His talent is squandered in this place. I hear some students gasp in surprise and I smile, happy that they are amazed by him. He is a wonder- why he is not in New York, attending every audition and casting call, but here, directing students like me, makes my head spin in confusion. " _What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield._ " His voice continues on and I can't help it, the pull is back, so strong I'm ready to give up. I can't fight it and my eyes can't leave him, he's fascinating. That connection we had since Hello in the music store must be real on some level- I know he loved me still at prom, at New York, though he was pushy and stifling then, the way he look now... the roll of his shoulders, the air of authority, the command atmosphere he creates with just his voice... he's grown up too. He's not a kicked puppy anymore, licking his wounds. Has he moved on? Is our connection still alive? Is that why he won't leave my head? One moves on and the other moves back.

And just like him, stealing my song oh so long ago, I steal his, paying back his favor. Feeling him twist around my heart like a chord that just won't break. I put one foot in front of the other, walking down the aisle. My voice floats up, swirling in the air, chasing his own. Everyone looks at me, some with glares, knowing who I am in a second while the others are baffled that I would challenge their leader, but they don't know this isn't a challenge. It's a message- but of what I don't know yet. I just know that I want to sing with him again, feel whole again without any piece missing. I don't care in this moment what they think, I've had worse. I pay attention to him on stage, only his face stays in my eyes. " _Once lust has turned to dust and all that's left's held breath_ ," I sing out and his eyes hold no surprise at my arrival, like he had known this song would pull me in from a town more than thirty minutes away. It's just him and me, his eyes appraising me, his mouth twists into his signature smirk, like he's telling me that I never could stay away. I wonder if it's him or me that can't stay way, who is the gravity for the other. " _Forgotten who we first met. What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield_."

" _We both know it's coming- does illusion count for something we hide?_ " We sing it together but I feel like it's aimed at me, asking me. Once this line would've been on him, but that drama is over, done with. Now when I look back at the ordeal, I don't hate it. It hurts but not in a way that'll break me. Now it's turned on me, who turned away in New York, who fell back into Finn's embrace. " _The surface tension's gotta break, one drop is all it takes to flood out this lie,_ " We both go on, marching on for each other, toward each other. His eyes make me shiver in my soul, his voice makes my heart stutter. He touches me without lifting a finger. He lets the lyrics flow from him so easily. Who I once thought felt no real feelings, had no heart, put so much forward on his stage or maybe I was blinded by my hatred, not to realize that his heart is what makes him so good, the reason he can be this man, this actor. His range of emotion is so far beyond me and what he went through to earn them, to bear their weight... I can't imagine.

If I looked back in my memories and took the time, there were moments when his eyes were telling me different than his words. On the stage with Vocal Adrenaline, taking back his lead, his eyes that showed heartbreak and the pull to stay at McKinley with me. Then the egging in the parking lot- the eyes that cried with no tears, the pain in them at the sight of me covered. He looked like he want to shield me, take the eggs, stop the mess, but he couldn't so his show face went on, barring me from the truth underneath.

The pain in his voice now isn't fake. The sight of me must spin new emotions in him, all bleeding into the lyrics of the borrowed song. We always conveyed our feelings, spoke to each other through music and this time, I think, is no different, " _You and I, we have to let each other go_ ," His eyes don't break our contact as his fingers keep moving across the keys, the heartbreak in his eyes for me to see. He is ready to turn away, save himself from anymore damage that I can inflict. I almost forget there are two in our story, that he is a human with a soul, burning and broken and I broke his heart too. " _We keep holding on but we both know what seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield._ " I can't place anymore blame on him. It was my turn.

" _Peace will come when one of us puts down the gun. Be strong for both of us,_ " I sing out, begging him, overwhelmed by these feelings I could've sworn had left, attacking me. He's ready to leave me and I run back, ready for him, no needing him and the comfort of who he is to me, with me, " _No please, don't run, don't run,_ " My vision swims for a second, then his eyes, piercing me. I already threw myself into the lion's pit, I couldn't leave now, " _Eye to eye, we face our fears unarmed on the battlefield,_ " I feel like I couldn't hide from him, as if I ever could. Without even speaking, we know which part to give each other. It was is one of the amazing things about us—then I remember that I destroyed every chance of an 'us'. He seems to not hate my intervening on his lesson, but that could be his show face. The truth is I didn't know, but I knew I needed to know. I need to be here, singing this with him to know- to realize just whew life wanted to take me.

He keeps singing and I keep walking toward him, closer and closer, " _We seemed like a good idea, we seemed like a good idea_ ," his spirit feeds the simple words, the shared vision comes forward, what could've been. The power couple of Broadway, both there for each other's opening night, when we win our deserved Tony's. Conquering New York, making albums, sitting on top of the world, our hands forever intertwined. Stages together, passing memories between us, as we grow older and share our lives. He's ready to forget it all, conquer alone.

I come in again, sharing his pain, " _No blood will spill if we both get out now._ " This man wouldn't leave me alone- I see him no matter what. _I_ won't let him leave now. " _Still it's hard to put the fire out,_ " I sing to him, battling him. I can't see my life without his interruptions.

" _What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield,_ " We join our voices, coming to an impasse. This is no longer a love story, he says to me, his voice coming in at me from all directions, powerful and breathtakingly Jesse, stout and firm. He's serious- his voice, his eyes, staring me down in that lobby, in another city, in our past, daring me to turn my back on him, daring me to slam the final nail in our coffin and I had done it and he wasn't playing anymore. _Game over._ A long time ago it seems, on a stage in New York, I had drove in that final nail. But a part of me believes he would take them all out, even if he was left bleeding, we wern't done yet.

" _Feelings are shifting like the tide, and I think too much about the future,_ " I sing out as he lets his finger play the perfect notes, drawing the music out of me. " _What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield._ " My confession lies in these words, what I've been fighting, burying down beneath the thoughts I let crawl over them. I pushed him away for so long, let my naive side think he was wrong for me, about me. Quinn's question revolves around me. Will I be happy in five years? Stuck in Lima- a small town with nowhere to go? Will Finn be happy in the big city, when he want's this small town?

" _We both know it's coming- does illusion count for something we hide? The surface tension's gotta break, one drop is all it takes to flood out this lie,_ " He sings on with my voice singing the harmonization, vocalizing without any words, singing with him as thoughts consume me. My feet stop moving, stalled on the steps.

" _You and I- we have to let each other go_ ," He sings out, telling me he understands, he doesn't fault me. He doesn't want to be in any pain and he wants the same for me, to live the life I want. I realize that even though we understand each other better than anyone, I lead him to the biggest misunderstanding of all without even realizing my lie. I couldn't have known. Being young and reckless doesn't excuse me for breaking hearts like they don't matter- a lesson he learned as well and tried, no, did make up for, " _We keep holding on but we both know,_ " It's inevitable, he says. A word I thought that described us so long time ago and now he uses it to push me away.

" _Peace will come when one of us puts down the gun_ ," He sings it in time with me, our voices harmonizing beautifully, as only the magic we can make casts a spell on everyone. " _Be strong for both of us. No please, don't run, don't run,_ " His fingers pull the simple melody from the piano, breaking our eye contact as he looks down, bringing the notes into the world with careful movements. " _Eye to eye, we face our fears unarmed on the battlefield_ ," I see a tenseness about him. He doesn't know why I'm here or if he should be excited or elated, but I excite him, my voice mixing with his makes his blood run, makes him feel like he is no longer alone on stage, and what does that mean my presence is for him? Probably like me, it means a comfort in the competing world of Broadway, someone always on your side, someone ready to lend a shoulder when the call doesn't go your way.

I ask myself, too. The feelings consuming me- are they the song or are they him? Making me face the horrid truth of my actions, that I pushed away the one who could or would actually understand me. The one who would love even the things about myself I can't love. He sings out the ending of the song, " _We seemed like a good idea_ ," It falls from his lips, over and over, as my feet walk toward him, deciding still if I can turn away again, bury this again, and trick myself again. _Jesse and I might not be true love, but what if we are?_ I asked this once to my members and now to myself. The lyrics leave my lips, as well, joining him on the closure. He knows just as I do, that this part is mine to sing, as I'm the one who had let him go. His eyes find mine again, as our voices merge and I hear him, his longing, and the heartbreak. He's serious in his attempts to move on.

I thought I would never find him again in my own heart. I had put Finn there, was content with only Finn in my life. I thought I was. I thought Jesse was just a blip in Finn's and my forever story, our own little fairy tale, but now, standing here, pulled by his music, this song, he himself- what if it was Finn who was the blip, what if it had been Jesse? He was the man who had found his way in to trick me, but he came back when he didn't have to, apologized and tried to make things right in his own way. I hadn't cared then, the way he fought so hard made me run away, tricked all on my own when faced with _Jesse_ , the man who liked me, who would never hurt me, his real self and real feelings. Just like me, charging in head first, ready to give his all and yet he came back with nothing. And now? Now I found him on my own through accident. Here to simply spy on the competition, but I found him, brought to him by our own red string.

Jesse was the man who had no place in my life but kept coming back, not to tear me down, I realize, but to make me better, stronger, ready to face anything. His eyes stared into mine, our voices merging with our hearts- his finally brandished on his sleeve for the world to see, not hiding anymore. I felt my heart swell, the butterfly's rush. " _We seemed like a good idea_ ," His voice is leveled, singing out his feelings, wrapping each word in a memory that is his truth. His fingers finish out the song. Bated breath hangs in the air. The song is over and I stand before him in the lion's den. Will he eat me or accept me? Will I try to run?

I have so much to deal with in the real world still. I'm in a relationship outside this auditorium, I belong to someone. I hadn't felt this in a while, nervous, and I knew it was him triggering these feelings. I never felt nervous singing with any other guy, but when it was Jesse... my heart pounds, my hands sweats, and my face blushes, but that was what I love, loved about it. I knew he couldn't be happy to see me, I joined in without a second thought. It just happened and now I was on his stage, at my will.

He stands up suddenly, breaking the concentration for a split second before our eyes snap back to each. Both our hearts laid bare on the stage. He was everything I was, my match, my equal, the one who really knows what I am thinking, no matter the space I put between us, no matter how much I threw him away- he returned. I returned.

In the moment, I couldn't think. I saw him and no one else mattered, no one else existed. My outside life was fading from me. I couldn't turn him away again. I couldn't let him go no matter how hard I tried. It's that that made me put one foot in front of the other, basically just short of running to him. His arms capture me, and he's warm and whole, his scent is the same, as comforting as fresh dried clothes or curling up for a musical marathon on the couch as snow settles around the house with hot coffee, or getting to sing the song that perfectly describes you when you can't find any words to express yourself. His arms, him, he was that for me. Always had been.

And now I was in them, holding on to him for dear life, "Jesse..." His name a breath, my eyes closed tight, afraid all of sudden that he wouldn't accept me, wouldn't wait for me to clean up my life outside. My grip tightened.

He pulled away to soon, setting my feet back on the floor. His hand pushing back a lock of my hair, tucking it away, his thumb grazing my cheek. I felt the blood rush to that spot and was certain my cheeks were flushed. He pulls me toward him, one hand on my face, my neck, spreading fire, while the other anchors me, lightly placed on my waist, and my chin tilts up, not needing any incentive, I just _know_ what I want, what his touch coaxes from me, and his lips brush mine in response, a soft pressure, barely a few seconds but it was enough to know that he would be here, waiting for me to return to him, that he had been waiting for me. My arms went to his arms, like I had never forgotten him, the way he stood next to me or the way his body met mine, the way he held me, the signature touch that was only for me.

I knew it would happen one of these days, I just wished it would have happened after high school was done, that way I didn't have to hurt Finn like this and face him every day but I couldn't run, I couldn't do that again. I had pushed Jesse away once, throwing Finn in his face like I had thrown Jesse in Finn's, trying to prove that my high school romance was more than a power climb, was a fairy tale, but now, feeling his hand curve into my back, pulling me back as he duck his face, nuzzling my neck and his warmth is all around me, there was no going back. I couldn't turn him away again, no matter the progress I had made with Finn and the Glee Club.

As he pulls away, meeting my eyes with a gentle curiosity, I wondered how it took me so long to figure out what he already knew back at the music store, must have known to let himself go this far for me. On some level he had to know it and now I know it too: that we were _inevitable_.


	16. makeup might be flaking

She walked into his bedroom, her best friend and boyfriend was lying on his bed. Eyes closed, arm across his face. He wasn't in his usual attires but in his flannel night pants and a ragged, old shirt that Rachel remembers borrowing a few times. Queen was blasting out of the speakers and vibrating off the walls, his parents had left for work and Jesse made no show of moving anytime soon. She sat her stuff down on the desk. Taking a drink of her water, she looked over at him and smiled. True to their dramatic ways, he spent his day in mourning for his fallen idol. She wondered if this was a yearly thing- knowing him, it was.

She looked at the calendar, already knowing the date, and sighing at the tombstone on the square. She shook her head and with slow steps, sat down behind him. He scooted over to her, taking comfort in her presence and the hand running through his imperfect curls. He laid his head on her lap, a sigh escaping him.

"He was a brilliant man." She whispered, speaking to her boyfriend. He didn't say anything back, didn't even open his eyes but she knew from the finger drumming on her legs that he was awake, feeling the music coarse over him and through him.

 **A Year Later**

He had skipped classes and she went right to his place after, using her key to unlock the front door. Worried thoughts ripped through her head as every possible outcome came and went but when she stepped over the threshold, she felt the music . . . _Queen_. It dawned on her then, the date she wrote in her notes, the date she saw every time she opened her phone. Just because they had made it to New York didn't change that today was his mourning day.

She made her way through his apartment. Cleaner than hers, but filled with memorabilia from Broadway shows and concerts and her, his girlfriend who he couldn't live without but yet he spends this day alone.

Rachel finds him in similar position to just a year ago, laying on his bed. She doesn't hesitate this time to climb in with him, throwing her arm around him, holding him close. This day was a sad day for him because his favorite singer would never sing again and she understood that, so she let him mourn him in his own way, pleased that he would let her be there at all but Rachel also knew that Jesse would never push her away.

"He was a brilliant man." She said softly. He curled into her, pulling her close, resting his chin on her head.

 **A Year Later**

She looked down at the man who she would one day marry, and ran a finger down his jaw. "We missed you at rehearsal." She said, his smirk came to life but his silence wouldn't break.

 **Two Years Later**

She ran, her feet barely staying on her warpath as she arrived at her fiance, Jesse's, apartment. There was no music blasting, no thumping rhythm. Her worst thought came forward. The day was right but not the situation. She steps forward and hears a crunch underfoot. Looking down, she notices broken CD's. The shattered remains of Queen and Freddy Mercury CD's.

The absent minded movement of her hand running through her hair as she assess the situation. Rachel doesn't take long to decide the next move and heads to Diamonds, the neighborhood's local music store.

Coming back she laid all of the new bought CD's on the counter and made her way out with a whispered _brilliant man._

 **Six Years Later**

"Mommy, where's daddy?" The tiny brunette pulled on her mother's skirt as they made their way inside the house. Rachel laid her keys in the key bowl and bends to pick up her daughter. Her little hand coming to rest around Rachel's shoulders. Jesse had told her to stop picking her up, that she would hurt their other child living inside her, but she was her little girl and so, even a six, Rachel didn't hesitate to pick her up.

"His hero died today," She responded as she straightens the girl's bow, walking them past the foyer and into the house.

"Why does he do that?" _She's inquisitive_ , her mother thought to herself, a smile playing on her lips.

"Because Freddy Mercury was a brilliant man, sweetheart," Jesse's eyes stared back at her in their daughter, piercing blue.

"He was an astounding man." A deep voice agreed above them, Jesse coming down the stairs, his phone providing music to light the house. He gave Rachel a smile, and a kiss to his little girl's forehead before returning to his wife's lips.

"It's good to see you up and about." She comments to her husband.

"Well as a great man once said ' _the show must go on.'"_


	17. Hypnosis

We sit in Kurt's bedroom. He has the lights turned low and some nature music on in the background. I am sitting cross-legged on his bed, Kurt is in front of me, computer by his side as he goes over all the steps. Cedes is sitting in a chair, right of Kurt's desk, filing her nails. "Rachel, close your eyes." I did as I was told without argument. "Now, relax." Kurt advised and I tried to get the tension out of my body.

"Kurt is this really going to work?" Mercedes asked, doubt filling her voice.

We had gotten back from nationals a week prior. Finn had decided to be with me, saying he loved me but there was something off with me. Kurt had noticed on day after practice and asked me about it. After some vague answers, we ended up in his room talking about hypnotherapy. I had laugh for a full five minutes before realizing he was serious. He claimed that if I was to ever be happy with Finn, we needed to know what I wasn't letting go of- what was nagging at me in the back of my mind. We called Mercedes and now here we all were.

"Yes, it will." He said, his voice leaking a mix of confidence and doubt. I felt the bed rustle and Kurt took my hands from my lap. "Deep breaths, Rachel." I started inhaling and exhaling, feeling my body relax and obey.

"Why does you room smell like Axe?" Mercedes asked randomly and I started to giggle.

Kurt huffed, "Mercedes, please! I need focus!" I didn't hear an answer so she probably nodded. "Breathe, Rachel." I resumed the exercise.

"Okay, I want you to imagine Finn." A smile played on my lips. I saw Finn and I standing outside Glee, chatting. I was all smiles and he was laughing. "You guys are holding hands and he leans down to kiss you. What happens?" Kurt asked, wanting me to complete the sentence.

"I kiss him." I said like it was obvious. I heard a sigh, it was Cedes. I tried harder. I breathed more, I cleared my mind. Suddenly the memory was me. He was kissing me but still something was off. I felt it here, in my happy place.

"What do you feel?" I hear Kurt say, I had to think. His voice was distant. I feel cloudy, muzzled.

"I feel it, the discomfort. It's in my happy place. Something is off." I scrunch my nose. "It's a bad smell, it's not right." I say, getting frustrated. I wanted it to leave.

I feel hands on mine, pulling. In my mind I look down, but there isn't anything there. "Follow it." The voice says and I go. The pulling is harder. I slip out of Finn's grasp and move. "Dig deep, Rachel." I follow through the corridor, my feet ghosting across the tiles and suddenly I'm in the auditorium- but this isn't McKinley anymore.

I look around, "Where am I?" I breathe out. I look at the stage and I'm there. I'm in his arms, so snug and safe. I smile softly. I pull back. His curls are so perfect. _"No one can know."_ I hear myself say, my mouth forms the words.

I'm back again, the scene replays. His hand holds mine, his eyes burn into mine, " _The guy who would never hurt you."_

I am thrown from the scene. I see me in Finn's arms and split, I'm with Jesse in his. I see the two. Oh god, I feel it. The weight of the pain, the heartbreak. I see it all. I know. My eyes pop open. Kurt is staring at me wide-eyed and Mercedes could be catching flies. Kurt turns, looking at our mutual friend and then they look at me.

"You're heartbroken." Kurt's face falls as he envelopes me in a hug. Cede's comes to join us on the bed. I sit in shock.

They both hold me and the tears begin. It's slow and builds into silent sobs that wreck my body. "You still love him, don't you?" Mercedes asks me and I don't know if I can speak or if I should. _Can you love two guys at once?_ The questions rolls in my head and I feel like I was floating in pain. My heart hurts. "What did I say?" I breathe, my voice rough because of the crying.

The door to Kurt's room opens, interrupting us, and Finn pokes his head inside, "Hey! Mom says- what's going on?" What he must think, seeing me in tears and wrapped in Kurt and Mercedes's arms. "Rachel?" He voice is quiet and the crying starts again.

"Not now, Finn." Kurt snapped.

Finn steps further into the room, "She is my girlfriend- what happened to her?" My sobs become audible and Mercedes gets up off the bed.

She pushes Finn out. "Go away, Finn." He argues as Kurt rubs my arms, trying to comfort me.

Kurt ends up letting me stay the night and Mercedes stays too. They both say to give it time, maybe take a break from the dating scene. I lay in Kurt's bed, his breathing and Cede's soft snores reminding me that I'm not alone. I'm so worn out from my tears. I still love Jesse. I'm still heartbroken by his betrayal- he is what is stopping me from fully loving Finn. I'm so exhausted by all the emotional turmoil and I fall asleep. I welcome it. _I still love him._


End file.
